2 year "Surgiversary"

On the 28th, it will be two years since I had RNY gastric bypass surgery.  Since then, I have lost 195 pounds and 12 dress sizes. 

So thankful for all of the changes this has brought to my life!

School Schedule Selected

I finally got my work schedule. I will be working 530 am to 930 am with Friday, Saturday, Sundays off. I had registered for 20 credit hours to allow me to be able to drop classes, so I could find something that would work. I am majoring in Human performance management with a minor in Nutrition. I will be taking American Civilizations, Healthy Lifestyles, Human Nutrition, Kempo and Human Performance Management. I am really excited for this new adventure in my life. I feel like with the knowledge I have learned over the past two years, that I can really help others. I think it will also help reinforce my knowledge and can only improve my workout and nutrition routines. In about a week, it will be my two year "surgiversary." I hate the term "surgiversary," but I am unsure what else to call it. It was December 28, 2010 that I decided to take control of my life. Since then I have lost 191 pounds and my life has completely changed. I have gone from a sad, miserable existance to a happy fullfilling life. I will try and post a few pictures within the next couple of days. I will also be updating my food blog in the next day or so, so check it out. www.skinnymonkeysecrets.blogspot.com

I'm not jewish anymore

Watch "Anti- Denetite" on YouTube

One of my favorite episodes of Seinfeld is where Jerry's dentist joins the jewish religion for the jokes.  (If you have never seen it, watch the highlights here)

A few weeks a go I made a statement on facebook that offended many.  In essence I said:

"I saw a girl loading 80+ boxed of fake oreos into her cart at the opening of trader joes.  She said to me, 'Hey, no judging!'  I laughed and said, 'No judgement here.'  I lied, I was totally judging her."

I went on to clarify that the fake oreos were half the size of a regular box of oreos and were $3 a box! There was easily $240 worth of fake oreos!!!

The clarification didn't help my cause.  I recieved half a dozen hate mail messages.  I never meant to offend. I don't see myself as someone who is thin. 

I would have posted the same comments at 362 pounds and people would have been ok with that because I was overweight and part of that population.  I was laughing at myself too.  I also ate poorly. 

Now, some consider me a threat.  I am the girl who eats healthy and works out all the time.  The reminder that success is possible if you work hard enough.
I am that girl, the one who is a size 8, but wants to lose another 10 pounds.  I hated her too, at one time.

I don't identify with thin people.  I have been obese since I was in second grade.  My inner voice in my head is still critical.  I joke about my cankles and having junk in the trunk because that is where my insecurities lie.  I don't joke about these things because I am "insensitive" or because I have "lost touch" with reality, but because I have ALWAYS masked my insecurities with humor.  My dry, as is sense of humor was my greatest strength (when I felt I had nothing else to offer)

I am starting to be more confident, but I still check to make sure I won't break chairs, go into the biggest bathroom stalls so I know I will fit, and suck in when I try to fasten my seat belt on an airplane.

Please be patient with me, I forget, I'm not jewish anymore.

Why America is FAT *rant*

In the past two years, I have eaten fast food twice.  I had a bowl of Wendys chilli and a kids meal at Subway. 

At work, everyone is obsessed with McDonalds and these Monopoly game peices.  Some girls at work were talking about how great the fries are.  They asked if I agreed.  I told them I don't remember what McDonalds fries taste like, but I dont miss them.

They gasped, eyes bugged in disbelief.  I said "I havent eaten McDonalds in over two years."

They stared at me like I had just given birth to an alien baby.

McDonalds is not that great, seriously.  NOT worth the calories.

McDonalds is not a crime of passion.  you dont say "I wanted a really delicious burger, so I went to McDonalds."

You say "I was really hungry, termites ate the floor out of my kitchen so I couldnt cook, and it was the first burger joint I saw."

We have become a nation of convenience.  We are a nation of what is easy.  We drive every where, we eat garbage from the drive through, thats why america is fat.  It doesnt have a dang thing to do with genes.   rant over.

Hypoglycemia

It's been a rough week!! Things are starting to look up though.
It started with abdominal pain and vomitting, then I started to pass out.

The doctors have ruled out infection heart issues.  We have found out the passing out is caused by hypoglycia.  We are still not sure what was causing the abdominal pain, but that is improving. 

For the next month, I will have to test my blood sugars 4 times a day.  Also, I have to switch to eating 6 small meals a day. 

Today was my first day eating 6 small meals and it was the first time in several days that I haven't passed out.

A friend of mine sent me a message saying the same thing was going on with her and suggested the hypoglycemia.

I did a little research, and it appears to be fairly common with gastric bypass patients.

Hidden blessings and Vitamin E

7 months ago, my drivers license was suspended for too many points. The speeding Ticket that lost me my license was 3 miles over the speed Limit. I was devastated. At the time I was a size 12-14.  My suspended license gave me the opportunity to do something I love a lot; ride my bike. Now, 7 months later, I wear a size 6-8.
  I was embarrassed and didn't tell many about it.  Now, I have my license back, but still ride my bike almost everywhere. I have learned one big lesson. It is a lesson many europeans and other nations know, but few americans understand.
  Life is about the journey.  Its not about how fast you get to the end.Riding my bike takes longer, but it makes me happy and healthy.   A rushed life is not a happy life.
I have learned a crazy weird secret.
I had a tummy tuck about 6 weeks ago.  I had horrible scars that stuck out about an inch.  When i went to visit the plastic surgeon, he wanted to sell me "Vitamin e cream for about $100. He said IT would help significantly.  Well, the day I had the appointment, we found out that Chads work had decided Not to pay him for the time He was off taking care of me.  There was no $100.  The doctor assured me i only had a few weeks to treat the scar and then it would be forever.  I take Vitamin E Gel caps.  I cut several Gel caps open and rubbed the Gel onto the incisions and the puffy gross poking out scars have gone down and look great.  Cost $4.  Just thought I would.mention it.

It's Official

It's official. I am a student at Weber State University. I start next semester and I am going to just do online courses so I can still be at home with my kids. I am going to meet with a councilor tomorrow. I am wanting to be a personal trainer. That is only offered at Weber State through a Bachelors degree. I am thinking about minoring in nutrition, or maybe just getting my associates degree in that. I am still deciding what will be right for me. I am really excited, but the dynamic has changed for me a lot. I was easily the oldest person I saw on campus. Before, when I went to school there, I was one of the youngest. I was also the fattest. I guess I don't mind this dynamic. :) When I started this journey, if you had told me that my career goal would be personal training and nutrition, I would have never believed it. A few weeks ago. I ran into a friend of mine that I used to work with. He is an older gentleman. He looked me up and down and told me I look great. I told him how cycling had become my new love. We talked about how much life had changed for me. I made the comment "If you told me 2 years ago I would be riding 60-80 mile bike races, I would have never believed it!" He laughed and said "No one would have." That is what this surgery has done for me. Yes, it has changed other peoples view on me, but it has changed my view of myself. I know anything is possible. If I can lose 190 pounds, I can do anything. I know that. Next step, a college degree.

Changes

Some events lately have made me evaluate my life and what is important.  As a result, I quit my second job selling insurance to be able to be with my kids.

During my evualation of life, I had to ask “What makes me happiest?"

Obviously my kids and family are at the very top of this list.  When I look at what makes me feel most fullfilled, it is helping others find a healthier lifestyle.  I have decided to do online courses for personal training and eventually get my degree in nutrition.
If you had told me two years ago that this would be my bliss,  I would have never believed it!

I am tentatively planning on starting school in January. 

I am also thinking about growing my hair longer.  I have had super short hair since I was 19, that's the same hairstyle for about 14 years.

So vote now:  short hair or should I grow it?

Before and after: the tummy tuck edition

  I have had requests for before and after pictures. So here you go. Pre and post tummy tuck photos.  Because insurance paid, there was no lipo,  so, yes there are imperfections, but I am happy.

Disclosure: I am still very swollen. Especially in my thighs. The belly button had to be surgically created. That is why it still looks gross. In the back you can still see my surgical incision.

First bike ride

My plan was to go to the gym today.   The gym was closed for Labor Day.   Figures.  I decided to ride my bike instead.   It was my first ride since surgery, and I will admit,  I am frustrated with myself.  I have ridden 60 mile bike races.   Three weeks ago I rode 18 miles and didn't even break a sweat.   Today,  I rode 1/2 mile in 10 minutes and was sweaty and out of breath.

Man, this is going to be a longer road to recovery than I anticipated! 

I had been planning on doing an 80 bike race in September, but for right now, that is on hold.

Hopefully cross training at the gym will help!

Updates and goals

About a week ago, I called my doctor and told him that I was worried I had infection.  On my right side, there was redness, pain, it was warm to the touch and was leaking lots of fluid and occasionally yellow puss.  I had a fever and diarhea. 

I have a medical background and knew all signs pointed to infection.

The doctor said that drainage was normal, to leave it exposed if possible and come in early if I needed. 

Well, Friday night, I went to bed and the shooting pains started.  I am pretty tough, and I was crying like a baby, or at least a little girl.

I had been taking just a half lortab every eight or so hours to manage pain.   I took two lortab (it was ordered 2 every 4 hours) and it didn't touch my pain.

I got up to use the restroom and looked at my incision in the mirror.  There was a lump the size of a golf ball on my incision at my right hip.

Chad wanted me to go to the ER right then, but I am stubborn. 

The pain continued but started to also radiate to my legs.  I have bruises all over my legs and I knew it was one of two things.  Either 1. infection or 2. blood clots.

I realized it was most likely infection, and I can handle a little puss.  I can't handle pain of that magnitude.  Chad won and at midnight we headed to the ER.

We drove to Lakeview hospital because if something bad was going to happen to me, I wanted to be at Lakeview.

My doctor was very aggressive with my treatment.  I got IV antibiotics and when I finally got sent home, he sent me two other antibiotics. 

The worst part was that they pushed on the infected area to get puss out to culture.  That was the worst pain I have ever felt.  I literally almost passed out.

Following that, they gave me morphine, which was magic!  My pain went away and I was able to sleep.

They kept us for quite awhile.  I was so thankful to get out!  We stopped for a late breakfast (ok, kind of a late brunch) and then went home to sleep.

This may sound crazy,  but I am still so thankful I got the surgery.  I am also thankful for my husband that has pampered me for two weeks!

Today, I was up for about 6 hours. I was able to make dinner.  I made a spicy chicken curry with rice and homemade naan.  It was wonderful and it was great to be eating natural foods again.

My new goal is to slowly start exercising again.   The inactivity is killing me....figuratively and literally.  I plan to go to the gym tomorrow.  I may only make it 10 minutes on an elliptical,  but I have got to do it!!!

Never again

The weightloss foundation of america is doing a fundraiser.  This is a foundation that raises money for people whose insurance won't cover the surgery.   I know how life changing RNY gastric bypass can be.  I am happy.  I credit a large part of that to getting surgery.

The fundraiser is those plastic band bracelets.  It says “Never again“

I ordered mine today.  Never again will I put food before me. 

Here is the link if you want one too.

http://wlsfa.org/how-to-help/wlsfa-never-again-fundrasier/

Ready to be done

I haven't posted in a couple of days.  Two days ago, I decided that I dislike how lortab makes me feel and decided to switch to tylenol for pain.  I also got my JP drains out that day.  Great timing, I know. 

Then, I learned a very important lesson. Lortab gives me nasty-bad headaches.  It makes me groggy and
makes my heart race. But it relieves my pain.  I am trying to alternate lortab and tylenol to make me more functional.

I have my days and nights kind of mixed up.  I seem to sleep in the day and stay awake all night. 

That being said, I am happy I had the surgery, I am just ready to be well....yesterday.

the photo is my abdomen, pooch free (I am still very swollen and wearing an abdominal binder)

Yay for progress

Last night I got out of my house for the first time since surgery.  Being in the house and so dependant had me really feeling depressed.  Chad volunteered to take me on a ride.  He didnt have to ask twice.  I was dressed and ready (in a mumu and flip flops) in about two minutes.

Chad helped me wash my hair.  He helped me get set up and I slept in my own bed for the first time. 

It was a good night.  My pain was pretty bad this morning so I got up to my recliner at about 6 am. 

My drains are starting to drain a lot less and I have an appointment for dr.  Malan to look at it and hopefully he will take out the drains.
 

Day 3: Better than day 2

Last night my dressings started to fall out of my abdominal binder.

We decided to open up the binder and fix it, just the two of us.   Bad idea.  I was in a lot of pain and almost passed out. 

I called the doctor and he told me to take 1 ibuprofen every 8 hours with the Lortab.  I told him I am not supposed to have ibuprofen.  His response was “you can
listen and be comfortable, or dont and be miserable.“

I listened and took one ibuprofen and I slept for 9 hours. 

I have been getting up every 4 hours to walk to the bathroom.  I was able to walk down the stairs outside acros the driveway and back up the stairs.

I am able to walk standing up more straight.

Feeling much better in reguards to pain today

Satisfied

My sweet cousin came over and helped change my abdominal dressing.  She took off my abdominal binder.  I am swollen and sore but I am satisfied with me.  Never in my life have I had a flat stomach.  My pooch is completely gone and I am satisfied with me.  If I never lose another pound, that is fine. 

My incision is very low and looks great.  I am very painful when I walk and have to walk hunched over because of the tenderness with the incision on my lower back.

The lortab and physical activity makes me nauseated.  I was finally able to keep soup down for lunch.  I haven't had more than 200 calories in the last 2 days.  (yesterday,  I wasn't allowed to eat most of the day)

I think that was a big contributor in my weakness.  My husband said they had to give me a pint of blood.  I still am pale (even for me.)  I am getting better as I get up.  I am feeling stronger.  Over all I am progressing.

Day One Complete

So day one following a full tuck (front and back) is complete.

Dr. Malan came in to color on me with purple marker.  As a stood there basically nude he said “I am going to do your back.  The insurance won't reimburse me, but you really need it“

Yet another miracle.  I am so thankful for Dr. Malan and his compassion.

Disclosure: I don't mean this to brag, but it was my honest thoughts.

I havent seen my stomach because I am in an abdominal binder, but I saw my bum...and I have the bum of a 18 year old thin girl.  No more sags or wrinkles.  I am thankful I chose the surgeon I did.

Now for an update.  It is not as painful as I anticipated, still worse than my c-sections or gallbladder, but considering he went into the muscle and repaired the muscle...I am pretty good. 

Because I have had RNY gastric bypass, I can only have tylenol based drugs and I can't have percocet because of a negative response I had to it during my gallbladder surgery.

The doctor has me on lortab every 4 hours, which keeps my pain at about a 2 (if we are using the stupid number pain scale)  At about hour 3 my pain level jumps and I have been in tears.

We borrowed a recliner from my parents and I slept in it.  The only comfortable position is in the recliner.  Moving is quite painful.

I am itchy from the morphine I got at the hospital.  I want to scratch my flesh off!   I have awaken about every 30 minutes.  I reposition and go back to sleep.   It was a hard night, but already happy I did it.

I am thankful for all my friends, family and neighbors.  I am truly blessed with the best!!!

Headed to Surgery

It's 530 a.m.  There is no reason anyone should be awake this early! I am getting an abdominoplasty, or tummy tuck today. So Chad and I are headed to Ogden Regional Hospital.

It is surreal. After losing 180 pounds, this feels like a final step or closure to "fat Lauralee."
I feel many emotions right now: fear, excitement, gratitude, and a little nausea (from anxiety)
I have been asked to be at the hospital at 6 am.  I have to be fasting.After midnight: food free.
Right now, that's fine because of my anxiety and nausea.  Normally, I would only eat a yogurt for breakfast anyways.

Surgery is scheduled to be 6 hours long, with 2 hours of recovery time, so with any luck,  I will be home tonight.

*Gulp*  Here goes nothing.  (Ready to walk in as we speak)

The Good and the Bad

Initially, I was told that insurance was going to pay for my tummy tuck, front and back.

I went to my presurgical appointment today and found out only the front will be covered.

I am disappointed.

On the plus side, it will make recovery easier.  There will be less pain.  That is all good.  Also my back isnt the part that needs a ton of fixing. 

I am just 2 days away from surgery.

The story of bananas

I used to hate bananas.
Hate doesn't really accurately describe it.  I have actually dry heaved and vommitted attempting to eat a banana.
I loved foods that were super sweet.  My true love was chocolate, and not just waxy gross american chocolate but truffles and delicious rich chocolate.
  That was almost 2 years ago and 180 pounds ago.  I rarely eat chocolate.  I eat bananas at least 3 days a week, sometimes more.
I decided soon after surgery, that I was going to learn to like healthy foods.  Slowly food by food, I trained myself to like healthy foods.  I went 15 months with no carbs, fruit or sugar.  During that time, my idea of sweet changed.  A half a banana is a nice treat.  It is sweet enough.  Other things like candy and chocolate are too sweet or rich.  I find it interesting that my likes and dislikes have completely changed.

How I stick to it

I get teased for how I eat often. Its in fun, and I don't mind.   I was talking to a friend on my break.   Our Boss brought in bbq sandwiches, Chips and cake.  I ate my own lunch: a half Sandwich, veggies and cottage cheese and a half banana.  She asked me “Is it hard to always follow your diet?“ 

For me, it isn't.  I ate that stuff and weighed 362.  For me, I recognize the consequences of eating poorly.

For me, this isn't a diet.  This is how I eat.  This is my life.  It is happy and wonderful and I wouldnt change a thing.  I eat the way I do because, even though I have had to learn the hard way, I have learned there is nothing more important than my health.

How do I do it?

I buy fresh fruits and  vegetables.

I don't buy junk or processed foods.

I make a weeks worth of crackers, granola and granola bars each week.

It is extra work to make things myself.  I have invested in quality blenders, food processors, dehydrators and pasta makers to make my work easier.

I put healthy foods at eye Level.  Veggies are kept on the top shelf instead of hidden in a drawer.

I cook, every single day. We do not go out and never eat fast food.

Miracles

Sometimes little events happen, small little details that, when added together, make one giant miracle.

That is the story of my life lately.

First, the doctor told me that insurance would never pay for the removal of my extra skin.

He submitted it anyway.  Three months later, I got a letter saying they would cover it.

I instantly called my surgeons office and talked to them.  They said I would still have to pay the co pay, coinsurance, and the hospital fees...in advance.  We are talking about $4,000 (We don't have $5 some days)

I started fundraising and raised very small amounts, but not even 1/10 of what is needed.

I called and talked to the hospital and found that 1. My insurance covers 100% of the hospital stay and the copay is $100.

I talked to our insurance and found that with my gallbladder surgery, i have met my deductible and have to pay 30% (which cannot be required in advance because it is medically necessary)

The money raised was EXACTLY enough (within a few cents)

Then, I found out at work that I cannot just request time off, instead, I have to trade off.  Trading 18 shifts is SO hard.  It was daunting.  I had two individuals pick up the majority of my shifts.  I have 5 left to get off.  My manager says if i can get off 1 more shift, he will work with me.

Many small events that lead to one miracle.  My surgery is happening August 16.

I am very thankful!

My greatest struggle

Two years ago, if you had told me one day i would weigh in around 178, i wouldnt believe you.  If you continued and told me i would wear a size 8-10, i would be thrilled.

Keep in mind that 178 is 25 pounds less than what I weighed when I was 12 years old.

When i weighed 362, I couldnt fathom such a dream. When I Set my goal weight at 160, in my head,I didnt believe that I would get below 220, which was the lowest weight I had gotten down to as an adult.

Now, I am less than 20 pounds from my goal weight.  The plastic surgeon says I have 30-40 pounds of excess skin.

I am not satisfied.

I want to be smaller. I want to be more toned. 

When I was big, I thought those who were fat were everyone bigger than me.   The smaller I get, the smaller my picture of fat gets.

I was talking to a friend at work about this.  She pointed to my collar bone, which is now very deeply carved and she said "girl, look at your collar bone, you don't have a penny to spare."

I used to make fun of people who were size 8 and convinced they were fat.

Ironic much.

I have been very concerned about my obsession and my inability to accept myself. 

This Saturday, I am starting to attend classes Held by my church (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) for people with eating disorders. 

I have been in therapy for two years dealing with my food issues.

That being said, I realized something yesterday. Yes, i have extreme ocd about the food I put into my body. Yes, I workout a lot.  Striving for perfection has taken me to places I never imagined possible.  I AM HAPPY.  Someday, maybe I will be satisfied.  But, I am happy.

On the surgical Front, my surgery date is August 16 to have my excess skin removed from my abdomen and back. 

I am very excited for that!

Thankful

The further I go on this journey, the more I realize what amazing friends we have. Not only that, but the more I appreciate my sweet husband! We did another yard sale today. Because of the unfortunate last sale (where the sprinklers turned on, drenching our clothes) I got to re-wash and fold all of the clothes for the sale today. Chad stayed up until way after midnight to help me. Friends from our ward brought items to donate over, and one of my sweet friends brought over some gorgeous porcelain dolls. Overall, we did pretty well. We've raised just over $100 so far, and while it's not the goal, it's a step in the right direction. I am thankful for the type of friends and neighbors that we have. My sweet husband spent the majority of 6 hours out in the middle of the sun. He wouldn't let do it. He is completely sunburned and exhausted. I am just thankful for how sweet and kind he is to me. We are going to do other fundraisers next week, including selling pizzas, but I am so thankful to our friends and family that have supported us by giving us items to sell and also buying items from our sale.

A Big, Fat, Thank You!

I really want to thank everyone that came out and supported us with our yard sale on Saturday. I am so very thankful for all of our friends and family. We were only able to sell for about 3 hours, because we got a horrible call that Chad's sweet son Zachary had broken his leg. It was a sale that was never meant to be, just as we got that call, the front sprinklers went off and drenched all of the clothes, so I had to take them in and wash them all. We were really lucky to have a very successful sale in spite of all of that. We were only selling for 3 hours and made $60. We are very grateful for that. In preparing for the sale, Logan decided that he wanted to sell all of his toys to help. I agreed to allow him to help, but instead had him sell goodies. It was so touching though to see what a giving and generous little man I have raised. Our next sale will be Wednesday, July 4 from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. We will accept donations any time prior to that or all day long. Any and all items are appreciated. Our address is 1957 W 300 N, West Point 84015 We can pick up items as well. Give me a call 801 425 8880.

Surgery and fundraising

Great news this week.  I found out that the insurance company is going to pay for a tummy tuck and back lift. 
When I met with a plastic surgeon months ago, he told me the insurance would NEVER cover it.  He encouraged me to finance the entire $20,000-$30,000.

Sadly, if we were in a position to financially, the procedures would be done already.

Dr.  Malan said he would bill the insurance and see what happens. 

I got notice today that a stomach and back lift have been approved by insurance. 

This is exciting but the hospital portion of my medical bills have to be paid in advance.  $4,000.

I feel a sense of urgency because my approval only lasts until November.  My surgical date is August 16.  So the question is "Is it possible to raise $4,000 before August 16?  I pray that it is.

We are starting with a yard sale this weekend...(we will also hold one July 4)  anyone wanting to donate items can drop them at 1957 w 300 n west point 84015

I have had mixed reviews.. of support and lack of support for this surgery.  I had someone tell me to work on the inside because the outside doesnt matter.

I disagree.  How I feel about myself does matter and having mounds of extra skin affects your self image, unless you are a Sharpei. 

The rolls of excess flesh are daily reminders of the lonely, sad, abuse filled life I once lived and constant reminders of the anguish and self loathing I once felt.  Does it make me shallow to want to leave this behind?  Maybe.  But I am a size 8.  I have to shove 30-40 pounds of flesh into my clothing or wear clothes that are too big.  My doctor warns the excess flesh around my vital organs is just as dangerous as fat.   Its a self esteem thing, a health thing, but its also a step to leave the self-hating obese Lauralee behind. 

Sorry for the graphic images.  They are for those who say "It can't be that bad, I have had babies.  I have wrinkles"  

No.  You have never lost 185 pounds.  You had 10 pound babies.  It isnt the same.   I look good in my clothes,  I know that.  I am little, surrounded by fleshy-ness

The second picture shows lifted how much better it will be.  Extra skin is removed from below the bust and pelvic line front and back.

I will be honest.  This was the most difficult of all my posts.  Its the most vulnerable.  Its real.  Its what really happens following weight loss surgery.  Thats what this blog is about. 

A day in the life of me: a food journal

I often get asked what I eat.  This is everything that entered my mouth today.

Looking Forward to Saturday

Saturday is my big ride. I am so very excited for it! I have only made it to 50 miles in training so everyone pray for me. I am determined to finish. Thank you to everyone who donated! I so appreciate it! I met the $150 required to be able to race, which feels like a huge achievement in itself. I have had a very frustrating 2 1/2 months. I have lost the same 3 pounds at least a dozen times. Chad says it's just normal fluctuation, I say it's annoying. My lowest is 178.4. I was only there for a day. I then work out hard to try and get lower and in turn gain. I usually gain big amounts. (Like 3 pounds all at once) and then gradually over the week, drop back down to 179. This week instead of 3 pounds, I gained 5. It totally freaked me out. I am back down to 181...but still struggling to get back to that 179. It's so frustrating, because I can feel my goal within my grasp. I do realize the plastic surgeon says that 40 pounds of me is just skin, which would put me well under my goal weight, but I am just not happy with that. I want to hit that healthy range and I am so close that I can taste it. I am gym shopping again. I loved and hated the Clearfield aquatic center, but in the end, competing with Junior high kids each time I go to the gym is just too annoying. Also, I can't use the indoor track during school hours which is lame since I have to deal with the stupid kids. So in all, I'm thinking I will probably do Gold's Gym since my uncle is a manager there. That will mean a rather long bike ride from the bus station to the gym and back again, but right now, that's better than junior high girls.

Training

I have less than 30 days until my big ride. It's big. I mean BIG. I have competed in one other event, but that was seriously only 23 miles on bike. This one that I am training for is 60 and there are HILLS. I haven't ridden incredibly far today, but I've practiced my hills. I did 14 miles today of basically all hills. I feel fantastic though and I only have $80 left to raise, I am really hoping to get the fundraising out of the way, so that I don't have to worry about paying all of that myself! These races I've been doing and are planning to do, really get quite expensive!

Tour de Cure!

I officially registered today for the Tour de Cure. I am doing the 60 mile bike ride. I am begging for money right now. I have just under a month to raise $150 to be able to participate. I am hoping to get enough donations. My husband will kill me if I have to pay the $150 on my own! It was questionable paying the $35 fee to register!!!! I hear the questions you are asking in your head. (or possibly out loud.) Q 1. Why on earth do I want to do this? There are many reasons, but biking makes me happy. Not just happy, but it is what causes the sunshine in my soul. As a fat kid, I watched my dad do many of these rides. My dad is amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. He can still kick my trash, and he's over 60. He has legs of steel. Seriously. I watched my dad compete in these events, and wished that I was one of "those people." This is something I have been day dreaming about forever. It's something I have been seriously thinking about for about a year and a half. Q 2. Why diabetes? Well, I had diabetes before losing 185 pounds. It sucked. Now, my 5 year old is borderline diabetic and I'm sorry, but that is just not ok with me. We have to do something to find a cure, or at least more treatments for this horrible disease. Q 3. 60 miles? Are you crazy. Eh, probably. Q 4. Um, what about your gluteus maximus? Are you worried you will never walk again? Yes, this is a concern. I have taken 4 days off following the race for recovery time. Please donate. I would for you....the next time you are selling girl scout cookies or happenings books. Hit me up. I'm totally good for the favor. :)

Go here to donate. (or email me monkeylauralee@hotmail.com) (this should work now. Sorry to those who wanted to donate but couldn't. You can now, please please do.)

The moral

I ride the bus and train from work every day.  There is an older woman i see on occassion there.  She spoke to me the other day and said she noticed I had lost weight.  She asked me what I was doing.

This is always where I make the decision if I am going to explain that I have had RNY gastric bypass.  In the beginning I told every one.  I have always been a very open person.  Also I was inspired to look into gastric bypass after seeing my friend nicole.  Her before and after still inspires me.   I have grown weary of "the look.".  People look at me with disappointment and have even said I took the "easy way out."

I will be honest,  i am a little more guarded with who I tell.  I have lost 185 pounds via gastric bypass and a lot of hard work.  I don't think that i need to justify or defend myself!  No matter how it was done, 185 pounds is pretty good!

I am thankful I told this lady on the train.  We talked a minute about the changes in my life.  Then she asked me a personal question.

"What's the moral of the story?"

"What?" I asked, not really certain of her meaning.

She was an older lady, and she adjusted her glasses before speaking again.

"What is the biggest lesson you have learned in losing weight?"

The answer was simple, but worth sharing:  "Nothing you put into your body is worth the overall health of your body.  Food is fuel.  It can be enjoyed but needs to be nutrious or there is no sense in putting it in your mouth."

She thought for a second and seemed surprised. I think she expected something much more grand. She said "So that's it? The biggest lesson you've learned?" I laughed and said, "Everyone knows that, but it's a hard lesson to really learn. Cake is delicious, so is chocolate. Learning to love myself and my body more than chocolate is a big accomplishment. You're talking to a fat chick here!" She smiled, and said, "No, actually I'm not." We chatted and she got off the train shortly after that. She thanked me for giving her inspiration. I should have thanked her for making me verbalize that lesson. It's just what I needed that day.

First

I have been fat for a very long time.  I have had cankles (where your calf just becomes your ankles) for a long time.  The last time I wore shorts in public....I was 12.  Well, until yesterday. 

I felt ridiculous with shorts and the nicer shirt and so changed into the t shirt.

Goal dress

When i bought my wedding dress,  there was a pretty little blue dress for $10.  It was much much too small but i bought it as a goal dress.  i was able to zip it today...but there was this weird but puff thing going on.  It may need to be altered.

The changes we make and why

Jonah reminds me of me.  He is fun and sassy and just awesome.  Last week he came home from school with a health assessment from headstart.  He has gained 11 pounds since he has started school.  His bmi is 32.  Higher than mine.  I will be honest, I cried.  No one knows the pain of an obese childhood better than me.   I don't want him to get teased, I don't want him to feel bad about himself.  I weighed him to see how much and to see if the school was right.  68 pounds, to which he shouted "yay, I am growing up.".
I dont want him to feel ashamed but a change needs to be made. 

We have decided that this is a change that is going to be made as a family.

I already eat very, very healthy.  I have strong will power and just don't eat the junk. 

I have allowed my kids to eat some junk because I figured they are kids...

This week, I went through the cupboards and got rid of all processed foods.  EVERYTHING.

I bought balls and we are going to play outside together for an hour a night.

Video games are restricted to an hour a week on saturdays. 

I have startes packing home lunches with healthy and nutritious food.

Here's to hoping these changes will be enough to make an impact.

Plastic surgery

I met with a plastic surgeon yesterday.  My belly button hasnt healed right from my gallbladder removal.  While there, I figured I would find out about skin removal.  I have been really hard on myself because of my extra "flab."   I told the surgeon that I hadnt lost in months and so I was probably ready to get the skin removed.  He looked me up and down and said "You arent losing because you dont have anything to lose.  You have 40 pounds of skin there." 

He told me to fix everything, my stomach, arms and thighs, it would cost $20,000.  None of that is covered by insurance. 

So, the answer is simple.  Therapy to work towards accepting me for me.  At least the therapy is covered by insurance!

Before and Afters

I have been really hard on myself lately. I still feel like I haven't met my goal. I am at the size I wanted to be at, but still higher weight wise than I want to be. But I got the disk in the mail Saturday of my before and after. I've got to admit, I'm feeling pretty good about myself after seeing them!

I never saw myself as that big, my body image was way off. Now I see myself much bigger than I am. I hope someday my body image will be "as is."

Here are my before and afters!

Happiness, satisfaction, and followups

I went to my doctor for my one year follow up.  Yeah, I get it, I am a couple months late.  When I met with Dr.  Smith, I was nervous.  I had heard stories of him having high goals for his patients.  He told me I look good.  I smiled but dismissed it quickly and said, "I know I have another 20 to go!"  He looked me up and down and said "Lauralee, no one is going to look at you and say 'she is a big girl.'"

I told him that I think I am big.  He said "That is a mental thing.  I'm not that kind of doctor."

Thats what I love about Dr. Smith.  He is so straight with me.

I also had a couple of people at work tell me that it was time for me to stop losing weight.  Haha.  I still would like to get to goal weight.

At my 1 year follow up,  they took more pictures.  They are going to send me a disk with before and after pictures.  I will post that as soon as I get them.

I finally had sprouting success with alfalfa sprouts. My new favorite thing is a triscuit spread with skinny cow cheese topped with sprouts.
  Yumm-o. 
I also have discovered raisels.  They are white raisins covered in sour orange flavor.  They are pretty low calorie and are similar to sour patch kids.

Its my bike race tomorrow and Chad has visitation for his first weekend since November.  It is going to be busy...but a happy busy!

Sprouts

I have spent the last two weeks trying to sprout regular pinto and red beans. Fail right there. There are a few things I have learned this week. Alfalfa is a whole lot easier to sprout than beans. After two days of doing alfalfa sprouts, they are almost ready. After this I'm going to try sprouting sunflower seeds and lentils. I will let you know how it goes.

Advice for those getting RNY gastric bypass

A friend of mine is getting RNY gastric bypass this week.  I am so very excited for her!!!  She is one of the most amazing women I know!   I have been thinking about what advise I would give prior to surgery. 

The week before surgery:

* Weigh in and take your measurements.  This is so important to keep you motivated.  The weeks I havent lost a pound are the weeks I have lost the most inches!!

I didnt measure until I had already lost 70 pounds

*Start taking your vitamins: biotin and fish oil for hair, vitamin e for skin, sublingual b12, calcium, multivitamin and iron. You will take these forever.

Things you will need in the hospital:

*A robe to cover your bum. (hospital gowns are not made for the husky)

*Chapstick (you are limitted on the amount you can drink at first)

*** Make yourself walk as much as you can.  At least 4 times a day.  This speeds up recovery and prevents blood clots.

Things you will need at home:

*sugar free jello
*broth
*yogurt
*broccoli
*cauliflour

After surgery, you don't feel like eating at all. 
I cooked the veggies till they were so soft they were mushy.  That is how I could eat them. 

* 1 oz medicine cups (they gave me like 30 at a local pharmacy)
I used these to measure my food. You start with 1-2 oz of food per meal for 3 meals.

Start to work out immediately.

Follow diet exactly.

Milestones

When I started this process, at a size 28/30 & 4-5x, my goal was to get down to 160 pounds and single digits; Today, i bought a pair of size 8 pants. They are white and courderoy. Not the most stylish, but sometimes you just buy a pair of pants because they are size 8s and fit.  I bought a gap sweatshirt today.  It was the first time ever that I have bought one that was a womans size.  The small fit, but I bought the medium, just because i was more comfortable in it.

My message to a fat girl

Every time I see a fat girl, I want to hug her. The younger they are, the more my heart aches for them. In them, I see the old me. I want to help ease their pain. (In my mind, the more pain they feel, the bigger they are. You don't eat because you are happy and problem free) I want to tell them what I've learned. I wish I could go back and tell the five year old me so many things!

1. You are wonderful. Take the time now to take care of yourself. Take control now. You are only 20 pounds overweight right now. It may be hard to lose, but it's a lot harder to lose 200, trust me!!!

2. Love yourself completely. Don't make ANY decisions in your life until you have learned to love yourself. They will be decisions you live to regret.

3. It may be comforting to eat, but food will never bring you happiness, it will destroy it. Exercise, though uncomfortable and hard and first is the only way you will every truly feel happy.

4. Eat healthy. When you eat natural healthy food, you feel happy and energetic. When you eat garbage food, you feel sick and bloated. You really are what you eat!

5. Don't ever give up. It may seem impossible, but it's all one step in the right direction. NEVER let one mistake or short coming decide who you are going to be. If you want to lose weight, you want to be thin, each small decision builds up to one overall picture. One brownie, one piece of cake isn't worth failure. (but if you fail: learn, move on, and focus on the goal)

6. Realize that even if you don't love yourself now, you will someday, realize that you do deserve that love, you deserve to be happy and you must do everything in your power to accomplish that.

7. Stop making excuses. It doesn't matter that you're not athletic. It doesn't matter that you can't make a basket or hit a baseball. Find something that you love to do. Run, bike, something. Just get up and move!!!!

8. If you fail, you will suffer. Your kids will suffer too. You owe everyone around you to be the best you that you can be. Do it. Do it NOW!

I wish those were life lessons I could have learned before. I wish the 5 year old me could have learned that with out the struggle and heartache I've been through this last year, but I'm so thankful it only took me to 32. I may be a slow learner, but just moderately.

Sprouts

Its odd.  I havent lost a pound in Weeks.  That being said, I have gone from a size 14 to a 10!  To try and break this plateau I am trying to have a more whole, natural lifestyle.  Today I am attempting to make my own bean sprouts.  We will see how that goes! I bought a sprouting lid at a local health food store for $3. The beans are from the huge amounts of beans we have for food storage.  If this works, I will have sprouts for the rest of my life!!!!

Back Blog

(I meant to post this on the weightloss blog, but instead posted it to the family blog. Yay for blogging from an android phone)

Ok ok ok. Yes, I remember you all are here and waiting for an update. In January, I got married. (we had a bagpiper and it was the most awesome wedding!) Here are a few (ok, a lot) pics. In February we went on our honeymoon to Ireland.
My gallbladder also gave up the good fight. The doctor said the low carb and fast weight loss caused the problems. He also said it is affecting my kidneys so I am back on carbs. I am down to a size 10-12. I pretty much have no clothes. Hahaha. Over all I am doing well. I have lost more weight than what I weigh.