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Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas Miracles

I woke up Christmas morning excited to go to work. The dress code for Christmas was Jeans and a t shirt. I opened my closet and realized that none of my Jeans that fit had made it to the new house. A friend gave me a pair of size 12 gap Jeans and the highlight of my day was that they fit!
I will post update pictures. Sorry. I have been busy planning a wedding. On that note I found the perfect wedding dress. It was a size 14. So happy about that!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Old Navy 14

About 3 weeks ago, I tried on a pair of old navy size 14 jeans. I could barely zip them, but I was happy to be wearing them. In my experience I'm usually about a size smaller in every other store except old navy. Well, today...I tried on the same jeans and they are very baggy. I'm going to try clothes on in a day or two but I'm thinking I'm almost down to a 14. I can't imagine being smaller than a 10. It will be fantastic.

I bought a wedding dress the other day, which is a size 14. They say wedding dresses run a size small so I'm hoping I'll be able to zip it in a few months. (fingers crossed)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Week Fourty-four




This is not the best picture due to the fact that the shirt and pants are pretty big on me, but I don't have a better one, and I just realized that I haven't posted a pic for about a month. It's time. I promise to post a better one next week.

St. George was wonderful. We hiked Kolob, Snow and Zions canyons. We hiked miles and miles. It was so fun that it was hard to leave!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

BMI

I woke up this morning down .2 pounds. Never have I been so excited to lose .2 pounds. This took my BMI to 39.8. I'm now "overweight." When I started this journey, my BMI was 60. I was considered supra obese. Today, I'm 30 pounds away from a "normal" BMI.

We're going to St. George this weekend for some sun and hiking. Back on Sunday. (I'll post new weekly pics when I get back)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Double post day-Lots on my mind



Today, I got up and have spent the morning going through clothes that no longer fit. For some reason I keep holding on to a few, that are obviously big, but they're so cute, I think "Maybe I'll just wear it one more time!"

I have been given lots of clothes from some of my sweet friends. Many have just sat in the bottom of my closet for months. I used to try them on weekly, but I had given that up because it was kind of depressing. Today I tried on size 14s from Banana Republic, Gap and Old Navy and they all fit. YAY.

As for comments left earlier. I know why I eat. Yay therapy. I associate food with love. I blame no one else but myself for feeling that way. We all do this. Oh, kid...you're crying. Here eat a cookie. I've seen myself do that with my own kids.

I've self medicated when I didn't feel loved.

I've often related my family to a big italian family. With Mormons, food is love. You're sad, here...eat.

Once I got to a certain point, it was like "Why bother." Also an anti-seizure medication I had to take as a child made me gain a ton of weight.

All of that being said...the reason that I was fat, is because I hadn't learned to overcome the environmental temptations.

It doesn't matter if you eat healthy, the rest of the world will eat what they want, life goes on. Part of being successful is learning to say "eh, no thanks."

It's a skill that I'm still working on, but I know it's going to be important for me to ultimately succeed.

Life happens, and I want to succeed.

Food




Obviously when I was fat, food was an issue. It's still an issue. I was and remain a total foodie. I have 10 years worth of the taste of home cook books, and I will admit, they are amazing. My mom has been going through them trying out new recipes.

When I started my journey, it was easy to say no to all the deliciousness that my mom makes.

The day I came home from surgery, my mom made fried chicken, mashed potatoes and her homemade chocolate cake. I will admit, I cried. I didn't eat it though.

I'm just over 10 months out now, and I'll admit I sometimes have bites of things that aren't on my food list.

Last night, my mom made hawaiian eggrolls (recipe here) homemade sweet and sour sauce, fried chicken and won tons.

I told her we weren't going to eat. To which she responded "So I made all of this for nothing?" I said in response "Um, none of this is on my list, so you didn't make this for me!"

Obviously I started with intentions of not eating any of it.

Then she laid the fried crispy egg rolls on a paper towel and I thought "I'll just have a bit of one."

No. I ate an entire one. Plus another. and a couple of bites of rice. I stayed under my 600 calories, but I'm up .4 pounds this morning, and I can't help but wonder why food continues to be an issue for me.

I make goals of not cheating again, and then I let little bites sneak in there. I'm just mad at myself this morning and I'm dedicated to not cheating again. I can re-add carbs when I hit my goal weight. But this is going to prevent me from losing the last 35 pounds I have until I get to goal weight.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The real me




When I've talked about my life before, the big me, I've described it as a past life. It seems so long ago, and I sometimes forget that was me.

I was talking to my friend Jessica today and she described it as a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. That's really the best way I can describe it.

I'm the same person, but I feel like I'm the person that I've always wanted to be. I've reached my potential, and I had no idea really who I could be!






I'm spunky and fun and so very happy with my life. I've finally realized I do deserve to be happy. I'm making decisions and living my life in a way that I am. I know, novel right? Well, it's a big step for me.

Friday, November 11, 2011

One-der-land


When I started this journey at 361 pounds, 10 months ago, I set the goal weight of 160. It seemed completely unattainable. If I'm being honest, I thought at the time, "If I can get down to 220, I'll be happy."

That was a lie. I wasn't satisfied with 220.

Today, I entered one-der-land. I stepped on the scale today and weigh 199. yes 1-9-9. I have no memory of ever weighing that. Probably because the last time this happened, I was 11. In my adult life, I have never ever visited one-der-land.

I'm fairly small on top, but yes, the ghetto booty is still here. I can wear a Small to medium top, but I am still in a 14-16 pant, go figure.

The highlight of my week was when I went to Kohls and tried on an extra small and it fit. I've concluded that Kohls must run kinda big..but it's still very exciting. I brought it home and Lisa said it fit her. Lisa is small on top, small on bottom, where I'm small on top with a total ba-donk-a-donk, but it's the first time in my life that I've been even close to the same size.

Monday, November 7, 2011

New Accomplishment!




So I will admit, that I haven't tried to do chin ups in any form because I have weak arms and because I still think of myself as fat. Sometimes I surprise myself.

Chad and I went to the gym today and after riding the elliptical for a half hour, we went to the weight room to lift some weights. I have stared at the assisted chin machines for about 8 months too afraid to try it.

Today, I tried it, and I did it easily. I only did 25 lifts, but still pretty good. I was so proud of myself. I tried doing them the last time I lost weight and wasn't able to. It felt great!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Weeks Thirty Nine and Forty


Forty week photo.


Week thirty nine photo.

This week I'm 1 pound away from being in the 100s weight wise. Also, I actually weigh the number on my drivers license. That's something that has never happened.

I fit into a small this week. I have cheated a little. By cheating I mean eating a tablespoon of rice on occassion. I've decided I'm not eating carbs again till I hit my goal weight. I'm only 40 pounds away from reaching my goal weight, something I never really thought was possible. I'm starting to see that it is!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Size Small




The other day I was at Kohl's. I am queen of the bargain rack. It's been awfully expensive losing as much as I have, just because I've lost more than a full dress size per month.

I saw this cute dress. It was kinda short and sleeveless, but figured it would look really cute with leggings and a jacket or sweater. Also, it was the wrong size. Size small. I've never in my life ever worn a women's small. This was in the juniors section, so I figured that a snowball had a better chance in that warm place, but decided to add it to my stack of "things to try on."

I tried it on and it fit. I figured it was clearly mislabled, but sometimes you just have to buy a dress when you fit into and it's a small. (Am I right or am I right?)

So the week following this, I went with my boyfriend back to Kohls to try and find him a nice dress shirt.

I picked up a stack of items to try on from the clearance isle. Never in my life have I ever owned a "little black dress." I have owned black dresses, but I was anything but little.

I found one black dress that I loved in a extra-large and in small, nothing in between. I picked both of them up to try. The extra large was huge. HUGE. The small fit. But it appears that this girl can't buy every small dress that she fits into, because that's really my size.

I know, right? SMALL? But I've come to that conclusion, due to the fact that multiple small items fit me. They can't all be mismarked, RIGHT?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Things that make me happy

I've talked before about perspective. I weigh today what I weighed when I was 12. I have never in my adult life weighed this little. I'm actually 20 pounds lighter than my lowest adult weight and very close to being in the 100s. YAY me. When I started this journey, the goal was losing 200 pounds. I never really thought it was possible. Now, I realize, it's totally possible. I remember thinking "I'm a big girl, if I could get down to a 18, I'd be happy."
I realize now, that both of those statements aren't true. I'm really quite petite. And, not happy with 18. I'm actually down to a size 14, and I'm hoping to be down to single digits by december, I guess we'll see.

I was talking to some friends at work and I realized that I may never be satisfied with where I am, I may always wish I were smaller, but honestly, I've even exceeded my goals for myself, and what I perceived as realistic. It makes me want to shoot higher. The only limits are the ones set in my head!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Going "there"

OK, So when I started researching gastric bypass, I heard about people with "excess skin" and my attitude was "Well, it's better than skin filled with blubber." But at the time, that's what I had. Now, ugh...It's unattractive and it makes me feel uncomfortable. If someone had shown be my before and after pictures with clothes on, I would have done it, no questions asked. Nekked, well, I would have screamed, and then probably done it still.

I was on the shuttle going to the airport to work and was listening to the conversation of two flight attendants. One said to the other, "I look great with my clothes on, but when they're off I just thing 'Oh dear G--!'"

I laughed, only because I really feel like that. I never thought I'd ever get down to a size 14. Now that I'm there, I just want to be thinner. I know all is possible, heck, I've lost 156ish pounds. If that's possible, another 50 is no big deal. I'm sitting at about 205 pounds. I have never in my adult life weighed that little. I'm so excited to hit the 100s.

Back to skin. It's that thing, that no one talks about. No one shows you what to expect. So, quit looking now, if you have a sensitive gag reflex.


I have said in the past that I have the thighs of an 80 year old woman. This is actually much improved to the point that they are the thighs of maybe a 65 year old woman who has gotten too much sun in her lifetime.


I have a fairly good bicep muscle, but as you can see, I also have batwings




This is the worst my friends. My stomach. All of that, above my belly button is extra skin. I have undergarments that bind the skin, and it makes me 2 sizes smaller, seriously.

In addition, I've talked before about completely losing my boobs in this whole weightloss process. At one time I wore a 56E. I'm down to a 38B. Yes, B as in boy.
I joke when I get to my goal weight I will have the chest of a 14 year old boy, but I'm kinda serious about that. Ok, very serious about that. With another 50 pounds to lose, I've lost 5 cup sizes with 150 + pounds lost, I could easily lose another cup size in 50 pounds!

I get the comment often, "Wow, you'll be in a bikini in no time!" I would just like to let everyone know, I will never in my lifetime wear a bikini. EVER.

I am comfortable in my own skin to show you my skin, and still not care at all. I've now learned perfect body or not, I'm me. I love me. I accept me. I don't care what anyone else does. But the purpose of this blog is to document my journey-All of it. Good, bad and ugly. And somehow, me in my own skin, I kind of rock. I love me. That's really all that matters.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Perception


Week 38


This weight loss journey has been relatively short so far. It's just been 9 months since I had gastric bypass, but life has changed so significantly for me. I can't even begin to describe it. I've talked a lot about the physical and emotional changes that I have experienced, but one thing I haven't talked about is how others treat me.

I know it doesn't need to be said, but I am the same person, just minus 151 pounds. For some reason, people treat me differently. I'm not sure if it's because I carry myself differently or if it's just because of how fat I was. Somehow my ideas are better, I am smarter and more interesting.

I'm also much cooler. People who didn't care to be my friend before, now go out of their way to talk to me and associate with me. It's interesting.

There are also friends I had when I was fat, who choose not to associate with me or be friends with me. That's hard. I didn't realize how many friendships I had where I was the token fat chick that made the said individual feel better about themselves.





The top picture is a picture that Logan drew of me on his magnadoodle that was the week before surgery, the bottom pic is a picture that he drew today.

I really wish people could have seen me before. Not the fat fat fat Lauralee: me. I am awesome now. I was awesome then. I'm just skinnier now.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Changes



Well, I've been reflecting a lot this week. I really can't believe how much my life has changed in just under 9 months!

I just accepted a job as a gate agent for Delta Airlines. I've worked in reservation sales for 2 years. It's ok to be fat in reservations! No one sees you. As a gate agent not only do I have to lug big suitcases all day, I have a uniform to wear. I've never had a job that required a uniform. NEVER. Simply because I have been the fattest person I know for a very long time! It's kinda like the bridesmaid thing where all the girls are skinny and then there's 1 fat one. You think "One of these things is not like the others" (of course singing in your head) No? Ok, maybe I'm the only one that's had that experience.

I am still a little nervous about wearing the little dress or the pant and tucked in shirt, but it will be ok.

Anyways, I had to pass a physical endurance test to get the job and I'm proud to say that I passed.

My dad worked as a ticket agent for the old Frontier airlines. I remember going to see him when I was just a little girl. He would have me come back behind the counter and I would staple the crap out of the ticket jackets. I thought he had the coolest job, and I've always secretly wanted to do that. It's a job that fat people can't do. That's just how it is. I couldn't have passed the physical test before. Also the uniforms only go up to s size 24, and though I'm much smaller than that now, I was much,much bigger than that before.

In the last 9 months, I have lost 150 pounds, but I've also gone from a BMI of 61 to a 32. Yup, 32 is still obese, but dude, I'm so close to being in the "overweight" range. If you think it's tragic that I'm so excited to just be overweight, consider this. At the end of my 6th grade year, I weighed 218 pounds. Yes, I was 12 years old. I weigh less today than what I weighed at 12 years old. I've lost almost half of my original body weight.

I can ride my bike for miles and miles and miles. I used to struggle to walk up 5 stairs.

There are also changes in the love life department. I won't say much here, but I am dating someone who is the most amazing kindest man I have ever met!

My therapist got teary as I told him about it and said that it made him feel good inside to think that his therapy has worked and I've finally broken the cycle of choosing abusive men that were unwilling or unable to take care of me.

I like to think that I'm one step closer to having a whole, healed me.

I start my new job on monday, and it feels like a brand new life is ahead of me.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

What does 146 pounds look like? Week 36



Photobucket

I don't know why I'm so self critical, maybe that's because I've been that way my whole life. I will admit I am much more self confident, but when I look at myself, I still think "fat." When I look at my picture, I don't think I am fat. I have 50 pounds to go until I hit "goal" but I'm smaller now than I ever imagined that I could be. The last post I posted, I almost didn't post the picture of Jonah and I because I think it makes my butt look big, and I'm self conscious of the ghetto booty. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with a girl with a little junk in the trunk. I'm not sure why I worry about it.

I took my picture this morning and was evaluating if I should post it or not because I don't do cap sleeves, I have issues with my arms. I was going through the pictures and I clicked back 1 too far...and came to my first picture the day before surgery. Wow, yeah, I guess 140 pounds is kind of a big deal. It made me realize, I'm really pretty little considering.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

140 + pounds







So it's been about 8 months and I've lost 140 pounds. Sometimes it's hard for me to wrap my head around that. Sometimes I still feel fat, but not this week. This week has been awesome. Yay for good weeks! I went dancing this week. It's really the first time I've been out dancing since, well I don't remember but lets just say the last time I went dancing, "the running man" was cool. Ok, maybe it wasn't THAT long ago, it was when I went with my cousin Jen to bricks the night she met Ryan. Jen has been gone over two years. It was a couple of years before that. Jen was and is gorgeous. When we went dancing it was a blast. I was always "the fat girl" though. At least that's how I felt. I would stand by the side while Jen danced pretty much every slow dance. The dance that I went to was for LDS singles 30-65...and yes that to 65 is a little frightening, but it was really fun. This time though, I was the thinnest (in our group). That really was a first for me and I danced pretty much every dance. It was a good time.

I can now fit into clothes that I once held up and couldn't imagine ever fitting into something that small. I'm down to a 14-16 jean and a women's medium. Maybe someday I'll lose the bootey-but apparently not yet. :)

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Milestones




Lane Bryant opened in the Layton and Newgate malls when I was in junior high. I have shopped there regularly since then because they were the only clothes that ever fit. At my fattest, I barely fit in their biggest size.

I had a job interview and needed a classy outfit to wear. I love the tights at lane bryant and so decided to look to see if there was anything there.

It's official. I can't wear a single thing at lane bryant. Not one thing. The smallest size there a 14 was too big.

Oh.happy.day.

Also I just got a job that required me passing a physical fitness test. 7 months ago, that wouldn't have been possible. It makes me really happy!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Lofty Goals

I've been reflecting on my life and the beginning of my weightloss journey wondering why things worked so well then, I've relized that it was because of lofty goals. When I started this journey, one of my first goals was to run a 5k. I didn't say this goal out loud until much later, but I've always wanted to be a runner. I'm not, I'm still not, but running makes me feel good.

I trained for my 5k, I never quite made it to the 3.2 miles running beforehand. I ran it, well most of it and I didn't come in last, and really that was my criteria for myself.

I didn't finish in record time, my cousins finished a good 20 minutes before me, but I ran, I didn't come in last, and I beat the girls in purple, who started out quite a bit a head of me. I was happy with my results. I really haven't run since my 5k. I about killed myself that day and have forgotten the joys of running. I bike all the time, but just haven't run in awhile.

Last night one of my friends asked me to run a 1/2 marathon in October. Now, if ever there was a lofty goal, that is one! But it seems just as achievable as a 5k seemed to a girl that weighed 360 pounds. I figure, if a 360 pound girl can train for a 5k, why can't a girl that weighs 220 train for a half marathon? Speaking of which, 220 is my lowest weight that I have ever weighed in my adult life and I'm there. I'm several sizes smaller than the last time I weighed 220. Which is wonderful and odd.

Anyways, I started training for the half marathon yesterday. When I started training for my 5k I couldn't even make it 1/4 of a lap at the gym (1 lap is 1/8 of a mile)

I haven't run since June, but I've been biking and excercising consistently. That all being said, I ran 1 mile without stopping on my first night of training. I feel pretty good with that!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Losing the Battle



Sometimes it feels like I am losing the battle with food. Yes, I eat 500-600 calories each day. No, generally I don't eat carbs or sugar. But I feel guilty about everything I eat really. Every day there are foods that I want to eat that I can't. Lately though, I've given into the occassional "bites."

My mom makes the most delicious rice. It's mostly beef consume and butter, mmm deliciousness. I had a small spoonful of that about a week ago. A few days ago my mom brought caramel chex home from work. I ate one caramelly chex...like a single square and it made my belly hurt so badly, it really wasn't worth it.

I totally justify my consumption of the jamba juice yogurt popsicles. I've eaten them as my breakfast before, because it's ok because they're yogurt. I bought them thinking that I'd have 1 every 3 or 4 weeks. I have like 3 a week. Yes, it's only 90 calories, but it's not a whole food. It's not protein or veggies, well it's kind of a protein, but it's stretching it a little. I also eat a lot of yogurt, probably 1-2 a day, as meals of course, but they are high in sugars and carbs. They are on my list of approved items from the doctor, but I still worry that it is too much sugar.


Yesterday I made fried zucchini to go with dinner and I ate 4 slices of fried zucchini! Breading and all. I've only cheated like that 3 or 4 times, but my body is feeling it. I gained a pound today. I worry that it was the fried zucchini, or the single caramel chex, or maybe the spoonful of rice, or maybe it's a combo deal of fried zucchini, a spoonful of rice and a caramel chex.

It just makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I've been faithful for months, I don't want to be fat ever again. I'm getting so close to my goal. I'm 2/3 of the way there, which is AMAZING. I don't know why I haven't learned my lesson. It's my new goal though to avoid all non-natural foods. Weather they taste delish or not. I wish all the time that I wasn't such a foodie!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Who are you?




So almost a month ago, I was in Kohls and ran into the lady who did my mortgage awhile back. I smiled and said Hi as is customary to do with people you know, and she looked at me very strangely. While I was rummaging through a rack of 90% off clearance items, she walked past and said. "You look so familiar. Do you have sisters named Lauralee and Lisa?" I smiled and said "Kinda." She looked confused and said "What?" I said "I have a sister named Lisa, and my name is Lauralee, so kinda."
Her jaw hit the floor. It was awesome. I had never not been recognized before. Well, it happened again tonight. I went to the gym and saw someone I saw regularly for city council meetings. I said Hi, and he said "How do I know you again. It was kind of awesome.


Also, I went to the gym again today. I feel amazing tonight. I have so much energy. I'm really excited to go tomorrow! I lifted like mad on my arms tonight.

Old and New

So I've recently got some new dresses. It seems dresses are all I buy lately. But it's all that is ever on sale at Kohls (have I mentioned I love Kohls?) Well, first off I went to court today, it's a long story, but lets just say, the judge threatened me with jail time and then said I looked like a cocktail waitress, so overall, I wasn't expecting much.

Luckily I got off easy with just $170 in fines. Yay speeding!



My "cocktail waitress outfit", stupid judge. (Also week 31 photo)


I'm giving away all my clothes that don't fit. I was going through a basket of clothes and found a pair of 28 dress pants. Before surgery, I had outgrown these.



In case you are wondering what the picture is of, it's my entire body fitting inside one leg of my pants. So awesome.


Happy day


last night I was laying watching cartoons with the kids. We thought the new thundercats were going to be on...and they're obsessed. Jonah was cuddled into me and Logan was sitting in the chair by himself. I said "Logan, come sit with us!" He said, "I don't want to lay on you. Your bones poke me in the face." Now, that's kinda sad. It made me so happy. This is the first time that I remember being able to feel my ribs and hip bone.

I went to the gym yesterday, It's been months since I've gone to the gym. Normally I just go running or ride my bike. I decided that I need to start lifting weights again. That's my goal, the gym at least 5 days a week.

Like I said, it's been awhile since I went to the gym. I have a couple of people that I've made friends with. There's this guy with MS that I used to see there all the time. I walked in yesterday, and he stopped his work out and came over. He said "Did you used to work out here a couple of months ago?" I said "Yes, how are you? I havent' seen you in awhile." He didn't answer he just said "Holy crap, you got little!" I love days like that.

On the little more awkward note, After I quit lifting weights, I went upstairs to do my elliptical run. I started working out and this guy stood behind me for about 5 minutes, then he gets on the elliptical right next to me (gym ettiquette states that if there is open machines you leave a space!) and says "I'll race you, lets see who can burn the most calories."

I said to him "I'm chubby, I'll burn more." He looked me up and down...which made me slightly uncomfortable and then said "I'm chubbier."

I said "Super, I'll still burn more." I burned 400 calories. That doesn't sound like much, but when you only eat 400-600 calories a day, it's a lot. I beat the creepy old guy so really that's all that matters.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Things that are amazing.

So this blog just hit over 7000 views. Kind of amazing since I've only had the blog since late December or early January. The reason that is amazing is because I've had my family blog for 4 years and haven't even had half the views.

I'm at 31 weeks right now, I've relost the amount I had gained plus a little, so my weight loss is at 130 lost since the end of December. I feel pretty good about that. I went to the movies last week with my friend Staci. I haven't seen her since we both started working at home. When she saw me, she said "Oh my gosh, you're tiny." I don't feel tiny, I'm happy to be wearing a medium, but I don't feel tiny. But, it still makes me happy inside when people say such things. I'll download my 31 week pictures today after work.

Another kind of neat thing is that I've been asked to possibly talk about my journey to a group of students at Weber State University. That is so very exciting to me. I hope it all works out scheduling wise!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Things that drive me crazy.


Well, I've relost most of the 3.2 pounds I gained in two days. I woke up this morning and had lost 2.2, just 1 pound to get back down to where I was. That's good.

Lately I've had a lot of people ask about my weight loss, then they follow it with "That's amazing, keep going." Like I'm not aware that I'm still fat and have more weight to keep losing. I'm aware it's not intended to be rude, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take it when someone says to me (after I've lost 130 pounds) "keep losing more." When you break down that statement, that's really what they are saying.

I'm much more immune to what people think, but it's annoying. As a fat chick who has lost a lot of weight, I'm much more sensitive. If someone loses weight, I say "That's amazing, I bet you feel so much better."

Anyways, that's just been bugging me.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Two steps forward, one step back.

Ok, so seriously, last week I lost 6 pounds. I gained 3 pounds yesterday, .2 today. I'm eating the same, and I had the weight gain after I started working out hard again. I don't get it. I feel skinnier. My size 16 pants are getting bigger and shirts that were small are now loose. I am just really frustrated.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Week Thirty





Well, it's been 30 weeks. Yup, 7 1/2 months since my surgery. It' been long enough, I sometimes forget that I used to be "that" person.

I've lost 127 pounds since December, I like to round up and call it 130. It feels like more of an accomplishment that way. :)

I have talked about this before, but I still see myself bigger than I am. I walk into a store and instantly head to the plus size. Now, I have to walk back and hit the regular womens or juniors sections. I'm officially a medium and a 14-16. yay. (and I know, still total ghetto booty) I feel great though.
When I go into a store, I'll hold up a medium, look at it and think "eh, that's way too small." Then I pick up an XL to try on, and it's WAY too big. You'd think I'd learn, but it happens every time. It's funny, because every time I go shopping it's a happy surprise!

I've been out of my routine for the last week. I rode my bike 13 miles tonight, came home and jogged with the dog. I feel much more like me again, the sluggish Lauralee is starting to leave.

Lack of motivation

Well, my parents went to San Diego for a week and with no babysitter, I've completely fallen off my work out schedule has fallen by the wayside. I haven't worked out in about a week.

I feel really blah and my legs are achy. I'm just feeling old. I do feel like I look good, but I don't feel as sunny as I usually do.

On the brighter side of things, my parents are home, so hopefully,I can start working out again today. NO, I will start working out again today.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Trip to Vegas




So I flew for the first time this week since March. It was amazing. This is going to sound really dumb, but it's exciting, so I'm going to share. I was so stoked that the seatbelt fit! Not only did it fit, but I had an extra 8 or 9 inches of seatbelt! Also, on the way home from vegas, we got the bulkhead seats. The arm rest on these don't lift, but my bootey fit there. I was worried that the lift up tray table wouldn't fit over my lap, but I fit fine. The last time I flew, I had lost 60 pounds, but I still couldn't even lower the regular tray table. It was so exciting. I may be chubby, but It feels so good to be "normal."

Friday, July 15, 2011

Bike riding

I've had total motivation issues this week. This is what I've realized, it's been a hard week and I've let myself get away with no excercise. This is the first time since December I've done that...and I can feel it. I felt BLAH today. When I got home from work, I went on a 16 mile bike ride and I feel amazing! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Old Navy


So I got into a size 18 months ago, I'm down to a size 16 now in everything else, but lately, I've noticed my new favorite pair of jeans is getting too big. I went to the closet to try the pile of hand-me-down jeans that I have in there. Today, I was able to get into the size 18 old navy jeans. When I got them, I couldn't even fit them over my thighs (when I was able to wear 18 in all other styles) It made me so happy.


I had planned on going private this week. I have mixed emotions about that though. The reason I finally made the decision to get gastric bypass is because I saw the photos of how amazing my friend Nicole looked on the pictures she posted on facebook. My reason for starting the blog was to help anyone I could to make a decision to change their lives.

I've always been a open book. I've had problems with people in my ex husbands family reading my blogs, twisting what is said, and using the information against me.

I have been annoyed by constant drama, but after changing my phone number and email addresses, I've done everything I can to eliminate unwanted contact. I'm going to change the comment settings so that they have to be approved by me and see if that mitigates any problems.

So, in other words, I'm not going private yet. If it becomes necessary later, I may have to, but for right now, I'm going to just be me.

Again, like me, hate me whatever. I'm good with me, and I'm hoping leaving this open allows those trying to find out about gastric bypass to find out about my experiences.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Legs and going private

Ok. So I think I've talked about my legs. They seriously looked like the legs of a 65 year old woman. They were so saggy and wrinkly and awful. It's a miracle, but today, I looked down, and the skin is tight, and they look normal. *sigh of relief*

Also because of events in my life right now, I will most likely make my blog private. If you'd like me to invite you to read it, please let me know.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Changes

Sometimes, you have to make changes in your life. Especially when you feel good about yourself and know that you deserve something better than your current life.

I filed for divorce at the beginning of this month. Since then, the rumors have been flying. Please, anyone who has any questions, please ask me. Don't participate in the nasty gossip and lies that have been so prevalent, not with my soon to be ex husband, but his family. I am an open book and willing to answer any question.

I am above the poo flinging that has been taking place, so I'm not going to post any details of my personal business here, but ask, don't assume. Thanks.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Sunny


I was just sitting here messing around on facebook, when I had one of those moments. I realized that I feel good about myself. I'm absolutely good with me. This is the first time in my life that I ever remember feeling that way. Not that I didn't feel good about myself yesterday. I did. but I just hadn't realized the change. I have been fat most of my life. Not only fat, but unhappy with myself. Then I'd look back at old pictures of myself and think "wow, I looked good then." Never have I been able to look in the mirror and say "I feel good about me now." But I do. At my thinnest adult weight (in 2002) I weighed 220 pounds. That's about 20 pounds lighter than I am now. I was a size 18 then. Today, I'm heavier, but a smaller size (14-16) but that being said, I still didn't feel good about myself then. I don't know what the difference is, but I'm just really thankful to feel that way.
Before, I was consumed with what people thought and said about me. I wanted everyone to like me. Now, I honestly don't care. Like me, hate me. Whatever. It's so nice to just be ok with me.

Just thought I'd share.

Great Tool

Ok. So I've posted about this on my surgeons forum, but I just thought I'd share this with all of my friends.
In this whole process, I've found a really cool website. It's called my fitness pal. It's a site that you enter your starting weight, then each day you track what you eat. There is a wonderful data base that you enter the item and it will search and give you all the nutritional information. At the end of each day, you submit what you have eaten, and it tells you based on the calories you eat that day, how much you would weigh in 5 weeks. I thought, "There's no way it could know that." Seriously, each time, it's been within a pound or two and it really keeps me motivated and keeps me eating what I should.

Click here to try it out.

(The banner at the top of this blog is from that site, each day when you update your weight, the banner changes. SO Cool)

Try it out and tell me what you think! Add me as a friend my user name is monkeylauralee.

6 months-116 pounds lost

Monday, June 27, 2011

Things that are amazing-23 weeks


(I know this photo is AWFUL, but it illustrates what I'm talking about)

I have recently started working from home. I have a giant leather executive chair with a high back. Before, it held me. Now, it fits me and a small dog at my side. I noticed today while I was on a very long call that I was sitting in the chair with my knees at my chest. I have never in my life sat that way. I've been fat most of my life and it's never been comfortable. Also, I had a bunch of fat blocking my knees. It was really kind of amazing. I didn't think of it much then. I know I say this a lot, but I can't believe how much my life has changed in 6 months. I also can't believe it's been 6 months.

Today as I was sitting outside eating snap peas out of the bag like potato chips, I realized the changes in my life are amazing. Surgery has taught me how to really eat healthy. Lots of us think we eat healthy. I sure did. Now that I have a diet of 400-500 calories, I realize how out of control my diet was. Even on my 1000 calorie diet, I ate 1000 calories but it was mostly carbs and sugars. I realize now how harmful that is and how much better whole food and natural eating makes you feel. I used to think people like that were wackos. (you know, the ones that never eat sugar etc)

I've been thinking about it, and when I hit my goal weight, I really feel like it's important to keep the same type of diet free of sugars and carbs.


Today, I was noticing how much smaller I am on top. (in the boobs) I started wondering if any of the clothes my friend had given me would fit. I pulled the containers out of storage and started trying things on. We've talked about my ghetto-booty. I really didn't expect anything pants or skirts to fit. I could put the jeans on, but not zip them, that's still progress, but there were several pairs of dress pants that were 14s and 16s that fit. YAY. The super cute shirt that I couldn't even close fit too, SO excited about that! But I think my body is starting to lose weight a little more proportionately. One of the skirts was a large, all of the shirts were 14-16, and they all fit. It made me so happy!


23 weeks


Here's the photo for 23 weeks..
I was going to take another one because that shirt looks awful on me. But, I'm 2 days from 6 months/24 weeks and I still need to post that picture, I figure it is what it is. You'll be happy to know that the minute I saw that image, I returned the shirt to old navy!
In the pic it's minus 110 pounds, I've lost 6 more since then.