Dreams

Two and a half years ago, I weighed 362 pounds. I was sick and tired and eating myself to death. 

In two days, I am headed to Colorado to take classes from the American College of Sports Medicine to help get me ready to be a certified personal trainer. 

Sometimes I forget the old me.  Sometimes I don't realize how far I have come. 

Sometimes I forget that anything is possible, but it is. 

The "F" word

I am consistent. If I could count the 10 pounds I gain then lose again, I would be up to over 300 pounds lost, seriously.

I go between 165-175. Once, I got down to 162 for 17 minutes. It was a good day, but it didn't last. (Well, it didn't last longer than 17 minutes)

Last semester, in nutrition we learned about "The set point theory."  This is the theory that your body has a certain preset weight of where it wants to be.  There may be something to this, but I keep losing, and my body keeps adjusting.   

That's one explanation, the other is my lymph edema. I got this as a result of my skin removal surgery. My legs swell up with fluid. On bad days, it hurts to walk. I push through and as long as I take my medicine and continue to work out, I continue to lose back down to 165, in which it all starts over again. 

There's a third option.  A filthy horrible option that I keep in the back of my mind. I can't even say it.  It's a word that starts with F. Ok fine, F-A-T. 

I worry that I am getting fat. (Pardon my language) I worry that this time, I won't be able to lose the weight and will continue to balloon. 

Normally I am able to push aside the last fear as irrational and unscientific. This week, I ballooned to 175 yet again.  I hit the gym, I watched what I ate, and I gained. (177) I hit the gym even harder, still watched my weight, and I woke up the next day at 180.2. I will admit, I had a complete nervous breakdown. It was 3:30 in the morning, I was getting ready for work and I seriously woke Chad up to tell him about my current weight. 

He grunted and said "Hmm, that's about half of what I weigh, good job baby." And rolled over.  Men.

I hit the gym again. I lost 6.2 pounds the next day.  But it let in the fear and worry. 

Our family is doing a family biggest loser with Chads mom and siblings. I am dedicated to winning. I have the least to lost, but I am so dedicated!!! 

I am hoping to force my "set point" lower than where it is now.

Schools out for the summer.

Well I did it. My first semester at school is complete. I didn't get a 4.0 as I had hoped, but the grades were A, A, A-, B+, and B. my nutrition class and history were my struggles. More than half of the students in both of those classes failed. Glad to not be the statistic there.

I was awarded a job as the marketing editor for one of the literary magazines at school, which gives me a tuition waiver. I was thrilled with the opportunity.

In two weeks I am taking a course on becoming a personal trainer from the American College of Sports Medicine. we fly out to Colorado for a 3-day seminar (12 hours a day)
I have to admit, I am really excited for all of these new changes.

Also my tour de cure bike race is coming up in less than a month (please please donate) I have to raise $150 to compete and am definately not there. That will be my focus over the next couple of weeks.

Since I have only ridden a real bike once since it has thawed, I am going to really be pushing the training as well. I have to get back to being capable of riding 100 miles again!!!!!

7 months post tummy tuck

So it's been 7 months since my tummy tuck surgery. I have had people see my scar randomly when I bent over. People generally will ask "Wow, what happened?"

These are my top favorite responses to give:

1. I used to be an intern for David Copperield, and well, he only gets it right 95% of the time.

2. Mole removal.

3. I used to be a mermaid.

So here are my pictures 7 months following surgery.

I had a friend ask me if the surgery left a nasty scar. I told him "yep, a full circle"

He asked me why I would ever do it. I said "Before, I looked terrible with my clothes off or on. Now, at least I look good with my clothes on."

Super human

I have had people lately tell me they are not capable of losing weight for whatever reason.

I have one thing to say about that:

Anyone can lose weight. I mean anyone. There are just 5 basic rules:

1. Workout-shoot for a minimum of 30 minutes, 5 times a week.

2. Eat healthy food. Cut out high fat foods, processed foods and anything from a restaurant or fast food chain

3. Develop a support system: find people who will support you and be accountable

4. Plan for success: buy fresh foods, pack healthy snacks and lunches so you aren't a victim of the vending machine.

5. Count on success. Make small objectives to reach your over all goal. Buy a goal dress or pants that is a size smaller and work for that goal.

It frustrates me because I am not super human or amazing. I am simply consistent.

If I can do this, anyone can. Remember, this was once me.

Healthy BMI, 2 pounds from goal.

A few weeks ago I woke up with a healthy BMI. Then I ran out of hydrochlorothyazide. Since my tummy tuck surgery I have retaining fluid like CRAZY. Well, I ran out of meds that help regulate the excess fluid and push that all out. In one week, I gained 9 pounds. For a girl obsessed with her weight, that can wreck havoc. I have gone to the gym extra and even ran (I HATE running). All to no avail. I started back on my prescriptions, and you'll be happy to know it was 100% water weight. So, in two days, I lost 12 pounds after starting my medications. I am down two pounds away from goal weight. So, this next week is the week!!! I am going to hit the gym super hard in the next couple of days. This is what minus 198.2 pounds looks like. (Sorry it's been so long between photos)

Apathy

In the last two years I can't tell you how many times someone has said to me after hearing my life style and how I eat "I would rather be fat!" I will admit that it baffled me. A guy at school was eating a burger, fried chicken strips and French fries. A girl made a "heart disease" comment and he said "Hey, at least I will die happy."
I am the last person to say anything. I have told myself so many lies to justify my old eating habits.
In my personal training class at school, my teacher made a statement that I have been thinking about all week. She said "You don't just talk about eating right and write workouts, you have to inspire people to change their life, to get off their a**."
My question is, what inspires us to kick the apathy to the curb and make life changes?
I would like to say I have beaten apathy, but its still there. Every time I say to myself "You've come a long way, this is as good as it gets". I am copping out.
Anytime I say two college gym classes make up for working out at the gym, it's a lie. But, at the end of the day, I will fight my hardest to make sure my whole family and I eat healthy.
I remember the days of saying "it's too hard/expensive to eat healthy."

"Why try, I will never be skinny"

These attitudes took me from 240 my junior year of high school to 365.

These are lies we tell ourselves. Mono saturated fats and hydrounsaturated fats have been linked to heart disease and cancer. You won't die happy, you will die one of the most painful agonizing deaths you can imagine.

Apathy keeps us who we are and prevents us from being who we want to become


But can anyone inspire someone to put aside the apathy and become the person they were meant to be, or is it something they have to find within themselves?

I hope it can be inspired...
What has inspired change within you?

Nutrition

This is my first semester in school. I am studying Human performance management with an emphasis on wellness and a minor in nutrition, yeah, it's a mouthful I know. I am taking my very first nutrition class, pretty much ever. I was raised without basic knowledge of what is truly healthy. In my home, my mom considered "home made" healthy. I never truly had an understanding of what my body needs to survive. I think many Americans don't have that basic knowledge. When I started my weight loss journey, I got my "blue bible" from my doctor's office. I followed it like it was literally the bible. It told me carbs and fruits were bad. I believed that. I went nearly two years without eating carbs, fruits and sugar and then it started to affect my kidneys. I didn't understand how, when I was so much healthier, a carb free diet would shut down my kidneys. Well, After less than a month, I understand. Our body needs carbs, proteins, vitamins, minerals, water and even fats to survive. What we all need to do is eat balanced diets, with balanced calories and lots of diversity with the things we eat. I was eating 1000-1200 calories max. My nutrition teacher told me that the minimum that I should be eating was 1,600 calories. I thought she was insane. I thought to myself "She is a very educated woman. Maybe you should listen" So, I tried things "her way." The results, in two weeks, I have lost 6 pounds. It needs to be said that excluding my tummy tuck surgery in which they slashed off 25ish pounds of skin, I have not lost a single pound in 7 months. Nothing. There is something to be said for eating a little more. I don't ever think about food. I'm never hungry and my body feels energized and great. Another thing I have learned about is hydrogenated oils. This is where hydrogen is added to food to basically make the foods go from saturated fat to unsaturated fat. This process is not natural and is found in many processed foods. It is worse for your body than saturated fats because your body does not recognize that they are fats that need to be broken up and essentially they go straight to build calcium that lines your heart. NO BUENO. This is present in fast foods. It's in Cheetos, Doritos Bisquick, basically anything that uses shortening, it's in frozen foods like pies and waffles and cream filled anything (ie twinkies, ding dongs etc)also it's in doughnuts and basically anything deep fried. These are foods that tear down the body, they do absolutely nothing to nourish or build. They are items that should NEVER EVER be eaten. There is one thing I have learned, You can't control what other people put in food. Cook your own food, avoid processed food and don't eat fast food. Please, stuff like this is so scary. End of rant.

Goals and getting there

In two years, it's amazing how much life has changed.  There's one thing I have learned, there are no limits except for the ones you set for yourself.

I started school a few weeks ago.  I am majoring in Human Performance Management with an emphasis on Wellness and a minor in nutrition.  Two years if I had made that statement, it would have been a punchline to a joke. 

I never imagined my life could be this.  I never knew what happy was.  I am happy now.

I have had people ask me "How do you do it?"

1. I weigh every single day.

Yes its obsessive, but it keeps me accountable.  Its much easier to lose .5 pounds from the day before, than 5 pounds at the end of the week.

2. I count the calories for everything I eat, every single day no exceptions.

3.  I have changed my relationship with food.  I eat foods that nourish and strengthen. The food I eat is my body's only fuel.

4. I am accountable.  It's no one's fault if I gain weight but my own.  Genetics, environment whatever, I control what I put in my mouth, and if it is sensible and healthy, I will be healthy.  No more excuses.

5.  I plan ahead. I pack healthy snacks, breakfasts and lunch so I am not a victim of vending machines or fast food.

6.  I love myself and realize I deserve better than my former life. 

Thats really all there is to it.  Anyone can do it.

As for new goals, I am very close to my goal weight and even closer (1 lb away) from a healthy BMI.
I am working towards this, 1 step at a time.

I have made some distant goals to have something to work towards.  As you can see from the horrible pics, my arms are doubled in size because of excess skin.  Minus plastic surgery, all I can try to do is tone and build muscle.  Honestly, those would be some big guns...but here are my befores.  My goal is to build muscle density and improve my arms.  So often we try to hide our imperfections.  Hello, my name is Lauralee and I have batwings.  I'm going to try hard to fix that. ;)