Sunny

I was just sitting here messing around on facebook, when I had one of those moments. I realized that I feel good about myself. I'm absolutely good with me. This is the first time in my life that I ever remember feeling that way. Not that I didn't feel good about myself yesterday. I did. but I just hadn't realized the change. I have been fat most of my life. Not only fat, but unhappy with myself. Then I'd look back at old pictures of myself and think "wow, I looked good then." Never have I been able to look in the mirror and say "I feel good about me now." But I do. At my thinnest adult weight (in 2002) I weighed 220 pounds. That's about 20 pounds lighter than I am now. I was a size 18 then. Today, I'm heavier, but a smaller size (14-16) but that being said, I still didn't feel good about myself then. I don't know what the difference is, but I'm just really thankful to feel that way.
Before, I was consumed with what people thought and said about me. I wanted everyone to like me. Now, I honestly don't care. Like me, hate me. Whatever. It's so nice to just be ok with me.

Just thought I'd share.

Great Tool

Ok. So I've posted about this on my surgeons forum, but I just thought I'd share this with all of my friends.
In this whole process, I've found a really cool website. It's called my fitness pal. It's a site that you enter your starting weight, then each day you track what you eat. There is a wonderful data base that you enter the item and it will search and give you all the nutritional information. At the end of each day, you submit what you have eaten, and it tells you based on the calories you eat that day, how much you would weigh in 5 weeks. I thought, "There's no way it could know that." Seriously, each time, it's been within a pound or two and it really keeps me motivated and keeps me eating what I should.

Click here to try it out.

(The banner at the top of this blog is from that site, each day when you update your weight, the banner changes. SO Cool)

Try it out and tell me what you think! Add me as a friend my user name is monkeylauralee.

6 months-116 pounds lost

Things that are amazing-23 weeks

(I know this photo is AWFUL, but it illustrates what I'm talking about)

I have recently started working from home. I have a giant leather executive chair with a high back. Before, it held me. Now, it fits me and a small dog at my side. I noticed today while I was on a very long call that I was sitting in the chair with my knees at my chest. I have never in my life sat that way. I've been fat most of my life and it's never been comfortable. Also, I had a bunch of fat blocking my knees. It was really kind of amazing. I didn't think of it much then. I know I say this a lot, but I can't believe how much my life has changed in 6 months. I also can't believe it's been 6 months.

Today as I was sitting outside eating snap peas out of the bag like potato chips, I realized the changes in my life are amazing. Surgery has taught me how to really eat healthy. Lots of us think we eat healthy. I sure did. Now that I have a diet of 400-500 calories, I realize how out of control my diet was. Even on my 1000 calorie diet, I ate 1000 calories but it was mostly carbs and sugars. I realize now how harmful that is and how much better whole food and natural eating makes you feel. I used to think people like that were wackos. (you know, the ones that never eat sugar etc)

I've been thinking about it, and when I hit my goal weight, I really feel like it's important to keep the same type of diet free of sugars and carbs.


Today, I was noticing how much smaller I am on top. (in the boobs) I started wondering if any of the clothes my friend had given me would fit. I pulled the containers out of storage and started trying things on. We've talked about my ghetto-booty. I really didn't expect anything pants or skirts to fit. I could put the jeans on, but not zip them, that's still progress, but there were several pairs of dress pants that were 14s and 16s that fit. YAY. The super cute shirt that I couldn't even close fit too, SO excited about that! But I think my body is starting to lose weight a little more proportionately. One of the skirts was a large, all of the shirts were 14-16, and they all fit. It made me so happy!


23 weeks


Here's the photo for 23 weeks..
I was going to take another one because that shirt looks awful on me. But, I'm 2 days from 6 months/24 weeks and I still need to post that picture, I figure it is what it is. You'll be happy to know that the minute I saw that image, I returned the shirt to old navy!
In the pic it's minus 110 pounds, I've lost 6 more since then.

Easy Way.

A couple of weeks ago, my kids and I went camping with my parents. At their house, it's always a struggle to find anything to eat. Camping, it's a different story! The fridge is packed with giant symphony bars and peanut butter cups, m&ms and all different kinds of yogurt. The cupboards are filled with cheetos and brownies. I resisted all the temptation, until the second day. In the past, the symphony chocolate bar with toffee and almonds was one of my favorite things.

I peeled back the wrapper of the big symphony bar and broke off a very small peice. It was about 1/4 of 1 of the little squares. I bit into it, expecting to taste total luciousness. It was gross. Not only was it way too sweet, it just tasted weird to me. I actually grabbed a bottle of water and started drinking to try and get the taste out of my mouth.

After that, I got dumping syndrome for the first time. Since my surgery, I haven't had any sugar really other than natural sugars. I definately haven't had chocolate. I realized that subtracting it from my life taught me that other foods tasted WAY better than those things I craved.



Speaking of surgery, my husband came home last night from hanging out with his family and started telling me how members of his family were ripping on me for "taking the easy way out." I started laughing. He looked at me like I had aliens coming out of my ears and said "Aren't you mad?" I laughed and just said "Nope. Way to go! He's doing it the hard way, and he's fat! Wow he sure showed me!"

I find it interesting and funny that many people who are heavier look at gastric bypass as the easy way out. It's not. It's honestly the hardest and best thing that I've ever done for myself! Lots of time I tell people that I've had surgery and then I describe the foods that I can eat, and they say "I'd rather be fat."

I can eat 2-4 ounces per meal. 1 oz is the medicine cups that you get at a hospital. Very small. I can eat meat, veggies, cheese, yogurts and...that's about it, no pasta, no rice, no potatoes and no corn. I also exercise a minimum of an hour each day. (5 days a week)

Super easy don't you think?

Happy things

I went on a bike ride with Robert yesterday. The bike he was riding was making some horrible noises, and I'm not sure if he just didn't know how to shift it....or if there was something wrong with the bike, but I took the bike to the shop to have them look at it. The guy fixed it and said the "blah blah blah" (not sure what he was talking about) was bent. He fixed it and I started to go to the car. One of the girls that works there said "Didn't you buy a bike here like a year ago?" I said well, it was about 4 months ago. She was like "WOW, I thought it was longer because of how much weight you've lost." AWESOME. It totally made my day. pictures are coming for week 23.

Plateau

I've kinda had it with this week. I got down to about 248, which is 112 pounds lost, then the next day, I gained 2 pounds and I haven't lost a thing in a week. I haven't eaten more than 600 calories, mostly its less than 500. Also I really worked out hard on saturday, I did a 14 mile bike ride. Still nothing. I'm just so frustrated.

A day out

Today my adorable friend Jessica and myself took our kids to the Treehouse museum. I packed a bag of yogurts, cheese and almonds, just in case we weren't able to find a Lauralee-friendly restaurant. We ended up going to super salad, which worked for me well. When I got home, Logan said "Mommy, if we had done this before you had surgery, we could have gone somewhere good for lunch." I said "Yup, probably. Why do you like your fat mom better?" He thought about it for a minute and then said "Nope. I like my thin mom." I felt bad, like he feels like he's missing out on good foods sometimes.

After we did the museum and lunch, I found the cutest dress ever. Ok, it's less cute than the dress I got 2 days ago, but still really cute. The problem was it wasn't on clearance and I couldn't justify $35. Oh, well. I do have 2 dresses.



It did make me happy to try clothes on at old navy. I haven't been there in awhile. Since the last time, when I was just barely down to an xl. I tried on a bunch of xxl clothes there and nothing fit. This time, this dress, I tried on a large and it fit. It just felt really good to be in normal sizes.

Needed Boost!

Yesterday I went to Kohls and tried on the cutest dresses ever. I have a gift card and 20% off. Even though they were adorable, I decided that I should think about it. I went back to get the dress today because with the coupon and gift card, it was going to be $7. I had tried on a xl. It seemed big, but I wear an XL. Well, that size was gone. There was only 1 left and it was a medium. I picked it up, looked at it. It looked big enough (or maybe I was wishful thinking) But I tried it on....and it fit. Not only did it fit, but it was REALLY cute! I honestly don't remember a time in my life when I ever wore a women's medium! When I was 12 I wore a men's XL. I've had a hard couple of days (with being asked if I'm pregnant by a server and all) This totally made my day, maybe even my week.

32

I must say turning 32 was a lot better than 31! My Dad, Lisa and I attempted Malan's peak. Though we didn't finish, we had a nice 3 1/2 hour hike.

It gives me a new goal-to hike all the way to the top.

Proportion

(I'm fairly certain that I'll never been able to wear this shirt, unless it's for ironic humor)

So I had to get a bra less than a month ago. When I got measured for it, I had lost 10 inches around and 2 cup sizes. So that bra should last me awhile right? Yeah no. The bra that I got was slightly padded (not huge) but slightly. Now, I've lost enough that there's several inches of gap in between the padded cup and, well, me. Awkward. So 3 weeks ago when they measured me, I was a 44D. When I was fitted, I chose a bra that was tight, so that I could lose weight and just tighten it up. I must also explain that I have been a size 18 since the end of May, that has not changed at all.

Today, I was fitted for another new bra. I'm down another whole cup size!! So 40C. I know, you're saying that's not that small. I'm worried that if I lose another 100 pounds I'll have the chest of a 14 year old boy and the booty of (fill in name of person with large bum here)

I am frustrated with how long I've been in the same size of clothes. I've always been pretty proportionate (fat everywhere) and it's frustrating to be a large to XL on top and then a 18 pant! (and to not be going down in size there!)

On the exercise front, I've been sick, and less than motivated during the last couple of weeks. I've realized it's easier to workout sick than it is to regain motivation! It's a bad thing when the endorphins wear off!

I've worked out the last couple of days and even did about a 10 mile bike ride today. Have I mentioned I love riding my bike. It's awesome. Wish I still felt that way about running. I must get my running mojo back!

Self Critical

I will admit that recently, I have been a little overly self critical. I finished my 5k, but I was unhappy with my finish time. I have lost a lot of weight, but still feel really fat. Etc. I was at work messing around with my blog and a nameless guy that I work with asked if that was a picture of me. I said, "Yes, it is." He then asked if it was a really old picture. To which I told him that it was about a month old. He then said "Oh, wow, you look a lot thinner in your picture."



I'll admit, I'm really good at dressing to make myself look the best. When you are fat, you learn to hide flaws. Honestly, the guy is a loser and I don't care what he thinks, but it was more annoying because I had just said to my friend Rosi "I think the picture makes me look thinner than I am."

Well, tonight, I was looking at that picture and I realized that I've lost 14 pounds in 3 weeks. That is good. If I lost weight like that every month, in 6 months, I'd weigh 139 pounds!

I know it's one of my goals to not be so negative with myself, and I'm still working on it.

GOALS

Well, since I've reached my major goals I've had for myself, I've been trying to come up with a couple reasonable short term goals.

I've been thinking a lot about the things that I want to accomplish, and I've decided to cut out things in my diet that have higher sugar content. I'm great with not eating actual sugar, but yogurt is PACKED with sugar and I eat at least 1 yogurt a day. I'm trying to decide how healthy that really is.

These aren't really goals, but they are things I'm looking forward to.

-Getting down below 220 (220 is the skinniest that I've ever been in my adult life.)
-Getting into a size 14-16
-Cutting my 5k time down by at least 5 minutes

My short term goal is to get down to 245 before my birthday. (June 14, we'll see if that's possible.)

2 days, 2 goals

I got up today and tried on "the black and white dress" like I do every Sunday. The difference, today it fit and it wasn't so tight that I looked dumb. YAY.

This also marks my 21 weeks since surgery.

Goal Complete

So I ran a 5k today, I didn't come in last, and I ran most of it. YES, there were people running a 10k that came in at the same time. But, I didn't finish last for the 5k and I beat the people in purple, really that's what is important. It felt so good to be able to do that. 6 months ago, I wouldn't have even considered it!!!




Lisa and I running. She was awesome to run slow with me. She has such long legs, she really could have walked as fast as I run.



My cousins Sharla and Heidi came to run too and both of them won for their age category. So awesome. After the 5k we did a 6 mile bike ride. I'm about done for today.

New Goal

This whole adventure has been very expensive to say the least. The surgery obviously was expensive, but what I wasn't prepared for was the clothing expense. I am such a thrifty girl. I thought at first that I'd wait until I'd lost 75 pounds or so to buy new clothes. Sadly, that didn't work (as experienced when my pants fell down in the grocery store) One of my friends traded me some of my bigger clothes for a ton of her skinny clothes. When I got them, I thought to myself, "Yeah, right 14-16." They've sat in my closet since. Some of the bigger items I am able to wear now. There is one item, that I have been waiting for at least 2 months to wear. I love this dress!!!





The first time I tried it on, it nearly had to be surgically removed. I can put it on now, but it is a little snug in the stomach area, I think the next 10-15 pounds and I'll be able to wear it.


I am very grateful for my friends though. between the two friends that have given me their clothes, I'll be set for sizes 14-16. (I hope that comes soon because my current cloth situation is kind of pathetic)


Work out clothes



Work clothes

I know, it's a little depressing, obviously I have to do laundry multiple times a week.

But, when I hit 14-16 look what I have to look forward to!