Sometimes it feels like I am losing the battle with food. Yes, I eat 500-600 calories each day. No, generally I don't eat carbs or sugar. But I feel guilty about everything I eat really. Every day there are foods that I want to eat that I can't. Lately though, I've given into the occassional "bites."
My mom makes the most delicious rice. It's mostly beef consume and butter, mmm deliciousness. I had a small spoonful of that about a week ago. A few days ago my mom brought caramel chex home from work. I ate one caramelly chex...like a single square and it made my belly hurt so badly, it really wasn't worth it.
I totally justify my consumption of the jamba juice yogurt popsicles. I've eaten them as my breakfast before, because it's ok because they're yogurt. I bought them thinking that I'd have 1 every 3 or 4 weeks. I have like 3 a week. Yes, it's only 90 calories, but it's not a whole food. It's not protein or veggies, well it's kind of a protein, but it's stretching it a little. I also eat a lot of yogurt, probably 1-2 a day, as meals of course, but they are high in sugars and carbs. They are on my list of approved items from the doctor, but I still worry that it is too much sugar.
Yesterday I made fried zucchini to go with dinner and I ate 4 slices of fried zucchini! Breading and all. I've only cheated like that 3 or 4 times, but my body is feeling it. I gained a pound today. I worry that it was the fried zucchini, or the single caramel chex, or maybe the spoonful of rice, or maybe it's a combo deal of fried zucchini, a spoonful of rice and a caramel chex.
It just makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I've been faithful for months, I don't want to be fat ever again. I'm getting so close to my goal. I'm 2/3 of the way there, which is AMAZING. I don't know why I haven't learned my lesson. It's my new goal though to avoid all non-natural foods. Weather they taste delish or not. I wish all the time that I wasn't such a foodie!
Oh, Lauralee, it can be so hard sometimes - especially with all the stresses of life that you have been dealing with. I am so sorry. One thing that helps me is repeating to myself at least once daily, "I risked my life to do this, and I am not going to mess it up."
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong woman, and I know you can keep at it. Big hugs to you ~
~ Jeanette
I too, feel like this on a daily basis. Being out so much farther, I can unfortunately say, I am on a much more "normal" diet as far as carbs and well rounded meals are concerned. I do keep my calories in check, I do exercise, but I know if I would cut back out my carbs-even though they are proper choice carbs- they are still carbs, I could drop the last 20 lbs I want to lose. I feel like a failure for it daily. I am too comfortable in my size 12-14... But I NEVER want to be fat again either. I weigh twice a day, and adjust my diet and exercise accordingly. Just always be mindful of what you are putting in your mouth, always make yourself accountable for it, and I don't think you will fail!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work- you are truly inspiring!!!
:)
YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!! Keep doing what you're doing and try not to be so hard on yourself. There is ALWAYS room for improvement in all of our lives. Your improvement happens to be with food. Mine is with procrastination..lol Always remember that you are WORTH being healthy. You are WORTH being able to play with your kids without struggling with being overweight. You are BEAUTIFUL inside and out no matter what you weigh. I'm sorry you have the unbelievable stress of divorce to deal with right now. That can't make your journey any easier, but it WILL get better if you head yourself in the right direction. Take care of yourself my friend. (( HUGS))
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