I don't know what my problem is. No matter how much weight I lose, I still feel HUGE. Don't get me wrong, I feel amazing..that is energy wise. But I'm still not comfortable in my own skin. I've always lacked, well for lack of a better word, coordination. I'm just not graceful. I used to blame this on my weight. (Try being graceful at that weight, I dare you!) But, the more I lose, the more I realize, I'm still uncoordinated and not really that athletic AND I'm still fat. I've got another 100 pounds to lose at bare minimum. That's just frustrating to me.
You know, I felt good about life until I went into Old Navy. I was thrilled to fit into a men's XL sweatshirt. But, I need jeans, and sorry, I can't wear man pants. There was a sale on jeans, my friend said she got a couple of pairs for $4. Me, being the ever thrify bargain hunter decided to go and check it out. Clothes today are not made to make a big girl look good. In all other stores, I'm wearing an 18. I'm happy with that. I went into Old navy and the 18s could not be zipped. Not even close. Also the only clearance item in a size 20 was a super short skirt. I tried it on for fun. You ever seen what a chubby girl looks like in a really short skirt? Depressing. So I've been feeling kind of down lately. I feel like the weight should be coming off a little faster.
A girl on the forum posted that she had lost 108 pounds (she had surgery the day before me) but the same girl posted somewhere else that she had lost 80 pounds so she may be a big fat liar.
Also, I'm really sad about my hair. It sounds lame. I've lost all this weight, if I lose a little hair, what's the big deal? I've had super short hair for YEARS. I love it. I've always thought that I look good in the super short cuts. My hair was one of the few things I liked about myself, and now, it's falling out. (not just a little) but in huge freaking clumps. I added a bunch of protein, but the nurse at my doctor's office says there is nothing I can do, that it is just the "trauma" from the surgery. Also my body isn't getting very many calories, so it cuts non-essential functions, like hair and nail nutrition.
I know this post is kind of a downer, but that's how I'm feeling, kind of down.
I'm sad you're feeling down! I don't know if this will help or not, but regardless of how you feel about yourself, I still think you're the best thing since sliced bread. Maybe that's an awful analogy since you can't eat bread but I made you laugh didn't I?
ReplyDeleteYou look amazing even if you don't think so, you are doing so well and you are STRONG!
Oh! Just thought of something...when you don't feel like you've accomplished much, put on a pair of your old "fat" pants, the ones you wore pre-surgery. It'll blow your mind and remind you of how far you've come!
ReplyDeleteLauralee! I'm so proud of you! You are beautiful inside and out no matter what your size. But look at you and how far you've come already. You look AMAZING! :) It is going to take a while for your mind to change and adapt to the new body image you have. Old Navy is not a good place to shop- they only tailor sizes to a certain small range. :( And it won't be good for your self-esteem to go to places like that, not yet. In time you may be able to, but you have to be very patient. For now only go to places that have the larger sizes of CUTE clothes you like and feel comfortable in. You will love wearing a bigger size and noticing it getting looser and looser on you! THAT is really good for the self esteem because you can tangibly see your progress.
ReplyDeleteHair falling out is a huge problem after the body goes through trauma. I lost A LOT of hair after my son was born and it totally freaked me out. A thought: maybe try some new hats or scarves for a while to take the focal point off the hair loss, maybe even a wig if the loss is very significant. Might be a fun fashion adventure exploring some new looks you might love or hate, or a new hairstyle you might not have dared try on your real hair but can safely try with a wig.
No matter what just remember you are doing awesome! This is a major adjustment for you in all areas of your life and it is going to take time before you see yourself differently, but you will!
Bummer, I hate those days. You really do look amazing, I hope you feel good too--physically and emotionally, too. My aunt lost a lot of hair after gastric bypass but it did eventually come back, so there's hope with that. Also, my oldest sister has alopecia and is completely bald (the one I went to France with) and wears a wig and you can't even tell, so you could always consider that if it gets really really thin.
ReplyDeleteLauralee,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that you are feeling low. I know how frustrating it can be. I am glad that youfelt strong enough to share it with us on your blog. I think, if anything, that being able to share it helps make the pain easier to deal with.
You have done great and don't let yourself think anything else. Keep your chin up girl.... oh and remember that Old Navy stuff is made in countries where the average person weighs something like 60 pounds.. ;)