Finding Me: April 2011

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Slow Weight Loss

As you all know, I have had a struggle finding pants to fit. More specifically a good pair of jeans. I went to lane bryant yesterday and found a couple of really cute jeans, that were $70 a pair. That's reasonable if you'll be wearing them for the next year or so, but I have moved from a size 22 to a size 18 in less than a month. These are very temporary. I was looking on KSL for yard sales or anyone selling my size so I don't have to waste money on something stupid like clothes for 2 weeks. I found a girl selling her "fat clothes" because she had gastric bypass. She had several petite (I have really short legs) pairs of lane bryant jeans for $5. I drove to go pick them up and it scared me. She looked awful. Her eyes were sunken in, and she looked BIGGER than me. She said the jeans were too big, but I really don't see how that is possible. She told me that she spent 2 months in the hospital because she got so sick. She got a blood clot in her stomach that blocked the food from going down. The doctor didn't believe she was really that sick. I could see her scalp because so much of her hair had fallen out. We talked for a minute and she said that she was 6 months out and had lost 90 pounds. Then she asked me how far out I was, and how much I had lost. I said 4 months and 86 pounds. I felt horrible for her, but I was also so thankful that my Uncle Dean recommended Doctor Sherman Smith. He really is the best. I'm so thankful he gave me the strict diet he did and direction to excercise every day. I guess my weight loss isn't as slow as I've been feeling it has been.

It's funny, I notice the days that I wake up and weigh the same, I guess it's easy to miss all the days I wake up with a loss.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Saggy Boobs.

Ok. so I didn't really know how big my current bra was....I went to the mall today to check out the sales. I desperately need a second pair of pants. It was really cold and the only pair of capris I have that fit...froze me. While I was at the mall, the clerk said "It looks like you could use a new bra." I laughed and said "Are you saying my boobs look saggy?" and she smiled, winked and said "Yes." Very nice. I got measured for a new bra. The new bra was 3 cup sizes and 11 inches smaller. Yikes. No wonder my boobs looked saggy!

The photo is the type of bra I got. I can't believe the difference it has made!

Week sixteen

OK, so I know that sometimes I'm a little awkward with compliments. I don't really know what to say. It's easy when someone says "You look great." I just smile and say "thanks." The compliment that I have a hard time with is "You're losing weight." It hardly seems appropriate so say "Thank you." After all, I've done all the work. Thank me? that might fit. The last person that said that to me...all I could think of was, "Yes, I am. yay."
Sigh, I wish I was a little more graceful. he he

On a happier note, I finally found a pair of pants that fit. Sadly they are capris (the ones in the photo) I hate my legs and have never worn capris or shorts due to my albino pudgy legs. But they aren't saggy or droopy, so that's definately progress. The shirt I'm wearing is the same style of shirt I wore in my pics for my Feb 14. pic, but I had to order it 3 sizes smaller. That's awesome, if I do say so myself. I'm still training for my 5k. I'm actually really looking forward to it.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

My fears

For those considering weight loss surgery, it's pretty common knowledge that for many patients after 3-6 months, their hair will start to fall out. As a kid I had to take some very strong medicines to prevent siezures and it caused my hair to fall out. Some of it grew back, but it's never been as thick and beautiful as it was when I was young. This has been my fear for months.

I take many many vitamins daily, as well as biotin to help prevent this. But today, I noticed a clump of hair in the bathroom sink. It makes me sick. It's not huge and I can't see it in my hair yet, but I'm worried sick about it.

It sounds so superficial and ridiculous. But, I'm seriously stressing about it.

On the family party front, I did really well and only ate what I took to the party. This weekend, I also experimented with making a Rye carroway seed flourless bread. It was delicious and I actually had a pastrami sandwich. It was amazing to be able to eat a sandwich, even if it was mouse-tea party sized.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

When it's the Hardest

Most days, my diet of protein and vegetables doesn't bother me. It's not a trial, but my lifestyle, that I've accepted. I've seen the results from eating what I'm supposed to. It's not as difficult as it used to be. That being said, holidays and family parties are the worst. (and by worst, I mean WORST!) I come from a long line of high metabolism-type people who can shovel all kinds of junk food into their bodies and never get fat. To make this especially dangerous, everyone in my family is pretty much amazing when it comes to cooking. They make these amazing, delicious, home made delights, and I will get to stare and smell. Torture. Tonight, in preperation for the family Easter party tommorrow, I went and got things to make that I can eat. I'm either making Keish or deviled eggs and then sweet potato-potato salad (I can't eat real potatoes) I figure I can't fail if I have a plan. :)

Monday, April 18, 2011

Hello collar bone, it's been awhile.

Today, as I was getting dressed, I noticed my collar bone. It's been a very long time since that was visable.

I've done pretty well with the whole gym thing over the past several days. I've been running nearly every day. The weight loss seems to slow during the first of the week and then come off quicker near the end, but every week, it still frustrates me.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Great Day

Sometimes you just have a great day. A fabulous day, that nothing on this earth could ruin.

I worked days again this morning helping the newhire classes. It is fun...and I LOVE the day shift.
I ran into a friend at work that I haven't seen in months. I saw her and said hi and she looked me up and down like I was growing a third arm. Then she exclaimed "GIRL. What'd you do?" I explained that I had lost 80 pounds. She's so funny she exclaimed "Look at you, with your Halle Berry haircut." I'm fairly certain that is the only time in my life that I have been or ever will be compared to Halle Berry, but really, I don't mind.

About 10 minutes later another guy I work with came up to me and told me how great I look. I don't share this to brag (ok. I don't mean to brag TOO MUCH) but it feels so good to have people finally notice my weight loss.

After work, I went to the gym and lifted weights for an hour and then ran for 1/2 hour, did a little elliptical machine and then headed home.

My sister and I went to Kohls after work and she got some really cute stuff. Someday, I will be thin enough to wear cute dresses. Anyways, I found a shirt in the skinny section of Kohls. Lisa said I was required to try it on because it is really cute and because it was only $7. It was a large. While it is a little snug, I am able to put it on and will probably be able to wear it in a couple of weeks. I was also able to fit into a 20 petite in pants. Flipping awesome.

A few weeks ago a friend gave me her skinny clothes. One of her dresses is the most adorable black and white dress. I tried to put it on a few weeks ago and got stuck. It was SO tight. I remember thinking "Some day this will fit me." I tried it today, and I'm pretty close...maybe 5 more pounds.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

13 weeks 81 pounds lost.

It's been just over 3 months and I've lost over 80 pounds.

3 MONTHS AGO

shirt size: 4-5x (really the biggest I could find)
pant size (26-28 red triangle, which is really closer to 30)
I was barely able to walk, I was completely out of breath after 3 steps, let alone a whole flight of steps.

I had diabetes, sleep apnea, reflux/GERD among other issues.

TODAY:
I wear an XL shirt
between an 18/20 and a 22 pant
I am running and lifting weights for an hour and a half everyday.
I have absolutely no health problems. Everything has been cured in these first 90 days!

I feel that I must explain the outfit. I CANNOT find pants that fit me right. Eventually, I'll have to be a hermit because I will have nothing to wear.

I have been to every store around trying to find something small enough in the bum, big enough in the thighs, and fits around the waist. It doesn't exist.

In desperation, I finally tried Walmart. I tried a couple pair of their hideous boxy jeans when I let out a sigh of disgust. The clerk standing next to me said "Can I help you find something?" I explained to her my jean dilemma. She was young and about a size -1. She somehow convinced me that leggings look good with EVERYTHING not just dresses. It took a lot of convincing, because that some how sounds retarded...but she said the word slimming. Really, isn't that the clothing style that all of us husky girls are looking for? She said it looks great with an oversized sweatshirt.

The pictures are conclusive. My gut feeling was right, it looks retarded. But hey, the leggings and the top are XL. That rocks, even if the outfit doesn't.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Another First

Ok, Today was a big "first" for me. It may sound silly, but it made me SO happy. I crossed over into the regular store world. It's the first time since 2002 that I've been able to walk into a store and buy off of the rack of a non-fat store (I bought 99% of my clothes at Lane Bryant.) I went to every store in the mall looking for a pair of jeans. Apparently, this weight loss journey has made me lose weight disproportionately. I have no bum and apparently my thighs are still a little extra pudgy. My jeans that I am wearing fit in the waist, (well they are loose, but eh, they'll be ok) in the bum and upper thighs, they are GINORMOUS. (yes, that is a real word. Spell check it, you'll see)
After a very frustrating afternoon at the mall, I came to the determination that my body is out of proportion...shopping sucks, and that I'll try again in a few weeks when I've lost more weight.
As I was leaving the mall, I decided to stop at Old Navy to see if they had any cute little boys things on sale. After all, there's nothing that fits me there...
I saw some really cute sweatshirts there and they were on clearance for $5. I bought one thinking "One day this will fit me." I brought it home and held it up to show my mom. As I held it up, I thought, "Hey, this might fit!" When I tried it on, it fit. It was an XL, but hey, it fit. It's been a very very long time since I've been able to buy clothes from a regular store. It totally made my day!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

New Goal

I've been trying to come up with a new fitness goal for myself. I have found that I love jogging and riding my bike. LOVE. So my new goal is to run a 5k (and finish.) I've signed up. It's June 1. Gulp. That's something big to motivate me.

I must explain the picture. I posted on facebook and asked people to share their favorite upbeat exercise songs with a positive message. One of my friends suggested "Eye of the Tiger." I googled the word "goal" and that is one of the first pictures that came up. It seemed oddly appropriate. (anyone else having workout song ideas post a message. I'll post my final playlist.)

I started training for the 5k today. I suck. I don't mean that in a tear yourself down to be funny kind of way, I mean it in the "accept yourself for who you are" kind of way. I did 9 laps around the track which is the equivalent of 1 mile. I jogged about 1/2 of each lap, so if you lump that all together, I probably jogged 1/2 mile. 5k races are just over 3 miles. It's a good thing I've got a couple of months.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

What is it?

I'm not really sure what it is about excercise that makes me feel so happy. I can feel a difference in my mood all day long if I excercise (or don't). Yesterday, I went to the gym, I worked out really hard. I still felt really depressed when I woke up. I work nights and sometime my shift is just exhausting. I could sleep for days, seriously. Today, I got up, went to the gym, rode my bike (and got bit by a dog) But inspite of the dog bite, it made my day so much better!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Happiness is a bicycle.

Really, seriously. I'm pretty sure that happiness is owning a bicycle. I was able to pick up my bike off of layaway and got Jonah a cheap bike at walmart. We have ridden and ridden over my days off. I realized my life is so super fun. I went on a bike ride with my dad and said to him "I think that everything is sunnier now that I own a bike." That's really what I think, it may sound crazy, but I'm so glad I can go on a bike ride.

Today I was at the gym, and I saw this guy working out. I realized that he walked funny. I saw him there last Saturday too. I noticed his limp then too, but didn't think about it. When he came to work out on one of the machines by me, he had a hard time getting on it. I think he was embarrassed and he said "It's MS. Gonna beat that crap for my kids." I smiled and said "Obesity, I'm gonna beat that for my kids." He laughed. It was inspiring to me though. I figure, if he can do it, so can I!