Milestones

Lane Bryant opened in the Layton and Newgate malls when I was in junior high. I have shopped there regularly since then because they were the only clothes that ever fit. At my fattest, I barely fit in their biggest size.

I had a job interview and needed a classy outfit to wear. I love the tights at lane bryant and so decided to look to see if there was anything there.

It's official. I can't wear a single thing at lane bryant. Not one thing. The smallest size there a 14 was too big.

Oh.happy.day.

Also I just got a job that required me passing a physical fitness test. 7 months ago, that wouldn't have been possible. It makes me really happy!

Week Thirty Four

Week 34, 134 pounds lost and counting.

Lofty Goals

I've been reflecting on my life and the beginning of my weightloss journey wondering why things worked so well then, I've relized that it was because of lofty goals. When I started this journey, one of my first goals was to run a 5k. I didn't say this goal out loud until much later, but I've always wanted to be a runner. I'm not, I'm still not, but running makes me feel good.

I trained for my 5k, I never quite made it to the 3.2 miles running beforehand. I ran it, well most of it and I didn't come in last, and really that was my criteria for myself.

I didn't finish in record time, my cousins finished a good 20 minutes before me, but I ran, I didn't come in last, and I beat the girls in purple, who started out quite a bit a head of me. I was happy with my results. I really haven't run since my 5k. I about killed myself that day and have forgotten the joys of running. I bike all the time, but just haven't run in awhile.

Last night one of my friends asked me to run a 1/2 marathon in October. Now, if ever there was a lofty goal, that is one! But it seems just as achievable as a 5k seemed to a girl that weighed 360 pounds. I figure, if a 360 pound girl can train for a 5k, why can't a girl that weighs 220 train for a half marathon? Speaking of which, 220 is my lowest weight that I have ever weighed in my adult life and I'm there. I'm several sizes smaller than the last time I weighed 220. Which is wonderful and odd.

Anyways, I started training for the half marathon yesterday. When I started training for my 5k I couldn't even make it 1/4 of a lap at the gym (1 lap is 1/8 of a mile)

I haven't run since June, but I've been biking and excercising consistently. That all being said, I ran 1 mile without stopping on my first night of training. I feel pretty good with that!

Losing the Battle

Sometimes it feels like I am losing the battle with food. Yes, I eat 500-600 calories each day. No, generally I don't eat carbs or sugar. But I feel guilty about everything I eat really. Every day there are foods that I want to eat that I can't. Lately though, I've given into the occassional "bites."

My mom makes the most delicious rice. It's mostly beef consume and butter, mmm deliciousness. I had a small spoonful of that about a week ago. A few days ago my mom brought caramel chex home from work. I ate one caramelly chex...like a single square and it made my belly hurt so badly, it really wasn't worth it.

I totally justify my consumption of the jamba juice yogurt popsicles. I've eaten them as my breakfast before, because it's ok because they're yogurt. I bought them thinking that I'd have 1 every 3 or 4 weeks. I have like 3 a week. Yes, it's only 90 calories, but it's not a whole food. It's not protein or veggies, well it's kind of a protein, but it's stretching it a little. I also eat a lot of yogurt, probably 1-2 a day, as meals of course, but they are high in sugars and carbs. They are on my list of approved items from the doctor, but I still worry that it is too much sugar.


Yesterday I made fried zucchini to go with dinner and I ate 4 slices of fried zucchini! Breading and all. I've only cheated like that 3 or 4 times, but my body is feeling it. I gained a pound today. I worry that it was the fried zucchini, or the single caramel chex, or maybe the spoonful of rice, or maybe it's a combo deal of fried zucchini, a spoonful of rice and a caramel chex.

It just makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I've been faithful for months, I don't want to be fat ever again. I'm getting so close to my goal. I'm 2/3 of the way there, which is AMAZING. I don't know why I haven't learned my lesson. It's my new goal though to avoid all non-natural foods. Weather they taste delish or not. I wish all the time that I wasn't such a foodie!

Who are you?

So almost a month ago, I was in Kohls and ran into the lady who did my mortgage awhile back. I smiled and said Hi as is customary to do with people you know, and she looked at me very strangely. While I was rummaging through a rack of 90% off clearance items, she walked past and said. "You look so familiar. Do you have sisters named Lauralee and Lisa?" I smiled and said "Kinda." She looked confused and said "What?" I said "I have a sister named Lisa, and my name is Lauralee, so kinda."
Her jaw hit the floor. It was awesome. I had never not been recognized before. Well, it happened again tonight. I went to the gym and saw someone I saw regularly for city council meetings. I said Hi, and he said "How do I know you again. It was kind of awesome.


Also, I went to the gym again today. I feel amazing tonight. I have so much energy. I'm really excited to go tomorrow! I lifted like mad on my arms tonight.

Old and New

So I've recently got some new dresses. It seems dresses are all I buy lately. But it's all that is ever on sale at Kohls (have I mentioned I love Kohls?) Well, first off I went to court today, it's a long story, but lets just say, the judge threatened me with jail time and then said I looked like a cocktail waitress, so overall, I wasn't expecting much.

Luckily I got off easy with just $170 in fines. Yay speeding!



My "cocktail waitress outfit", stupid judge. (Also week 31 photo)


I'm giving away all my clothes that don't fit. I was going through a basket of clothes and found a pair of 28 dress pants. Before surgery, I had outgrown these.



In case you are wondering what the picture is of, it's my entire body fitting inside one leg of my pants. So awesome.

Happy day

last night I was laying watching cartoons with the kids. We thought the new thundercats were going to be on...and they're obsessed. Jonah was cuddled into me and Logan was sitting in the chair by himself. I said "Logan, come sit with us!" He said, "I don't want to lay on you. Your bones poke me in the face." Now, that's kinda sad. It made me so happy. This is the first time that I remember being able to feel my ribs and hip bone.

I went to the gym yesterday, It's been months since I've gone to the gym. Normally I just go running or ride my bike. I decided that I need to start lifting weights again. That's my goal, the gym at least 5 days a week.

Like I said, it's been awhile since I went to the gym. I have a couple of people that I've made friends with. There's this guy with MS that I used to see there all the time. I walked in yesterday, and he stopped his work out and came over. He said "Did you used to work out here a couple of months ago?" I said "Yes, how are you? I havent' seen you in awhile." He didn't answer he just said "Holy crap, you got little!" I love days like that.

On the little more awkward note, After I quit lifting weights, I went upstairs to do my elliptical run. I started working out and this guy stood behind me for about 5 minutes, then he gets on the elliptical right next to me (gym ettiquette states that if there is open machines you leave a space!) and says "I'll race you, lets see who can burn the most calories."

I said to him "I'm chubby, I'll burn more." He looked me up and down...which made me slightly uncomfortable and then said "I'm chubbier."

I said "Super, I'll still burn more." I burned 400 calories. That doesn't sound like much, but when you only eat 400-600 calories a day, it's a lot. I beat the creepy old guy so really that's all that matters.

Things that are amazing.

So this blog just hit over 7000 views. Kind of amazing since I've only had the blog since late December or early January. The reason that is amazing is because I've had my family blog for 4 years and haven't even had half the views.

I'm at 31 weeks right now, I've relost the amount I had gained plus a little, so my weight loss is at 130 lost since the end of December. I feel pretty good about that. I went to the movies last week with my friend Staci. I haven't seen her since we both started working at home. When she saw me, she said "Oh my gosh, you're tiny." I don't feel tiny, I'm happy to be wearing a medium, but I don't feel tiny. But, it still makes me happy inside when people say such things. I'll download my 31 week pictures today after work.

Another kind of neat thing is that I've been asked to possibly talk about my journey to a group of students at Weber State University. That is so very exciting to me. I hope it all works out scheduling wise!

Things that drive me crazy.

Well, I've relost most of the 3.2 pounds I gained in two days. I woke up this morning and had lost 2.2, just 1 pound to get back down to where I was. That's good.

Lately I've had a lot of people ask about my weight loss, then they follow it with "That's amazing, keep going." Like I'm not aware that I'm still fat and have more weight to keep losing. I'm aware it's not intended to be rude, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take it when someone says to me (after I've lost 130 pounds) "keep losing more." When you break down that statement, that's really what they are saying.

I'm much more immune to what people think, but it's annoying. As a fat chick who has lost a lot of weight, I'm much more sensitive. If someone loses weight, I say "That's amazing, I bet you feel so much better."

Anyways, that's just been bugging me.

Two steps forward, one step back.

Ok, so seriously, last week I lost 6 pounds. I gained 3 pounds yesterday, .2 today. I'm eating the same, and I had the weight gain after I started working out hard again. I don't get it. I feel skinnier. My size 16 pants are getting bigger and shirts that were small are now loose. I am just really frustrated.