Big News

I've stayed away a long time. I have had people use this blog as a way to "keep track of me." People that I would prefer not to have in my life. I guess that's what happens when you collect ex husbands. Chad and I celebrated our second anniversary last week. What a lucky girl I am! Many people have asked us if we would have more children together. Instead of reliving painful fertility issues with each and every person that asks the question, I have simply answered the question with a myriad of responses including, "Don't you think 4 kids is enough?" or "I have a six year old and 3 eight year olds." Neither of these answered the question. But generally people ask this question to make conversation, not because they are actually interested in the details. It's like when someone asks "Hey, How are you doing?" They don't want to hear "It's been an awful day...." They are expecting the response "good." When people ask the question "Will you have kids?" They want a yes or no answer. There were so many factors. I fear getting fat. I have lost over 200 pounds. Yeah, I have no desire to be fat again. I have had a tummy tuck to remove excess skin. A baby will ruin my cute flat stomach.

It took a huge amount of fertility treatments for me to get pregnant with both Logan and Jonah. It took 3 years to get pregnant with Logan. Two years with Jonah. It was very trying. At one point, I took 8 Clomid at once in addition to Glucophage in an attempt to get pregnant. I am at the point in my life, that I don't take medications unless absolutely necessary. Clomid has a huge risk of ovarian cancer associated with it and Chad and I decided that the risk was not worth it to us. He said he'd rather not have a baby and still have a wife. With that in mind, In September, we decided to try and get pregnant. I have gotten the Depo Provera shot for 2 years. I have heard that Depo can stop pregnancy for at least as long as you were on it. My time frame was 35. If I wasn't pregnant by 35, I was done. I was going to have a hysterectomy and call it good. The risk of complications are just too high older. I am fairly high risk anyways. I turn 35 in June. My cycle didn't start until late November, and here I am in January, 7 weeks pregnant. I am thrilled, excited, nervous (very nervous) and still worried about how this will affect my body. I have been a bit of a slacker since I started school a year and a half ago. My 5 days a week work out routines have turned to 3 days a week....if I'm lucky. My rigid healthy eating habits have bended a little and I allow us to eat the occasional pizza or treat. I have gained 10 pounds. My tummy tuck was very difficult to recover from and I have still not built all of my muscle mass back. This year, I have new incentive to get super in shape. It can only help my pregnancy and delivery. My diet is back on track. Nothing processed, nothing in without nutritional benefit for my mini monkey. I am taking adolescent nutrition this semester in school which is very fitting. My teacher is a Registered Dietician and I am meeting with her this week to get a diet plan set up. I plan to continue exercising. I read this article this week and it helped to ease my fears. I am having a baby. My cute belly may not survive. That's ok. http://weseekjoy.blogspot.com/2013/12/babies-ruin-bodies.html I will eat healthy, workout and do my best. It's all I can do.

Dreams

Two and a half years ago, I weighed 362 pounds. I was sick and tired and eating myself to death. 

In two days, I am headed to Colorado to take classes from the American College of Sports Medicine to help get me ready to be a certified personal trainer. 

Sometimes I forget the old me.  Sometimes I don't realize how far I have come. 

Sometimes I forget that anything is possible, but it is. 

The "F" word

I am consistent. If I could count the 10 pounds I gain then lose again, I would be up to over 300 pounds lost, seriously.

I go between 165-175. Once, I got down to 162 for 17 minutes. It was a good day, but it didn't last. (Well, it didn't last longer than 17 minutes)

Last semester, in nutrition we learned about "The set point theory."  This is the theory that your body has a certain preset weight of where it wants to be.  There may be something to this, but I keep losing, and my body keeps adjusting.   

That's one explanation, the other is my lymph edema. I got this as a result of my skin removal surgery. My legs swell up with fluid. On bad days, it hurts to walk. I push through and as long as I take my medicine and continue to work out, I continue to lose back down to 165, in which it all starts over again. 

There's a third option.  A filthy horrible option that I keep in the back of my mind. I can't even say it.  It's a word that starts with F. Ok fine, F-A-T. 

I worry that I am getting fat. (Pardon my language) I worry that this time, I won't be able to lose the weight and will continue to balloon. 

Normally I am able to push aside the last fear as irrational and unscientific. This week, I ballooned to 175 yet again.  I hit the gym, I watched what I ate, and I gained. (177) I hit the gym even harder, still watched my weight, and I woke up the next day at 180.2. I will admit, I had a complete nervous breakdown. It was 3:30 in the morning, I was getting ready for work and I seriously woke Chad up to tell him about my current weight. 

He grunted and said "Hmm, that's about half of what I weigh, good job baby." And rolled over.  Men.

I hit the gym again. I lost 6.2 pounds the next day.  But it let in the fear and worry. 

Our family is doing a family biggest loser with Chads mom and siblings. I am dedicated to winning. I have the least to lost, but I am so dedicated!!! 

I am hoping to force my "set point" lower than where it is now.

Schools out for the summer.

Well I did it. My first semester at school is complete. I didn't get a 4.0 as I had hoped, but the grades were A, A, A-, B+, and B. my nutrition class and history were my struggles. More than half of the students in both of those classes failed. Glad to not be the statistic there.

I was awarded a job as the marketing editor for one of the literary magazines at school, which gives me a tuition waiver. I was thrilled with the opportunity.

In two weeks I am taking a course on becoming a personal trainer from the American College of Sports Medicine. we fly out to Colorado for a 3-day seminar (12 hours a day)
I have to admit, I am really excited for all of these new changes.

Also my tour de cure bike race is coming up in less than a month (please please donate) I have to raise $150 to compete and am definately not there. That will be my focus over the next couple of weeks.

Since I have only ridden a real bike once since it has thawed, I am going to really be pushing the training as well. I have to get back to being capable of riding 100 miles again!!!!!

7 months post tummy tuck

So it's been 7 months since my tummy tuck surgery. I have had people see my scar randomly when I bent over. People generally will ask "Wow, what happened?"

These are my top favorite responses to give:

1. I used to be an intern for David Copperield, and well, he only gets it right 95% of the time.

2. Mole removal.

3. I used to be a mermaid.

So here are my pictures 7 months following surgery.

I had a friend ask me if the surgery left a nasty scar. I told him "yep, a full circle"

He asked me why I would ever do it. I said "Before, I looked terrible with my clothes off or on. Now, at least I look good with my clothes on."

Super human

I have had people lately tell me they are not capable of losing weight for whatever reason.

I have one thing to say about that:

Anyone can lose weight. I mean anyone. There are just 5 basic rules:

1. Workout-shoot for a minimum of 30 minutes, 5 times a week.

2. Eat healthy food. Cut out high fat foods, processed foods and anything from a restaurant or fast food chain

3. Develop a support system: find people who will support you and be accountable

4. Plan for success: buy fresh foods, pack healthy snacks and lunches so you aren't a victim of the vending machine.

5. Count on success. Make small objectives to reach your over all goal. Buy a goal dress or pants that is a size smaller and work for that goal.

It frustrates me because I am not super human or amazing. I am simply consistent.

If I can do this, anyone can. Remember, this was once me.

Healthy BMI, 2 pounds from goal.

A few weeks ago I woke up with a healthy BMI. Then I ran out of hydrochlorothyazide. Since my tummy tuck surgery I have retaining fluid like CRAZY. Well, I ran out of meds that help regulate the excess fluid and push that all out. In one week, I gained 9 pounds. For a girl obsessed with her weight, that can wreck havoc. I have gone to the gym extra and even ran (I HATE running). All to no avail. I started back on my prescriptions, and you'll be happy to know it was 100% water weight. So, in two days, I lost 12 pounds after starting my medications. I am down two pounds away from goal weight. So, this next week is the week!!! I am going to hit the gym super hard in the next couple of days. This is what minus 198.2 pounds looks like. (Sorry it's been so long between photos)