First

I have been fat for a very long time.  I have had cankles (where your calf just becomes your ankles) for a long time.  The last time I wore shorts in public....I was 12.  Well, until yesterday. 

I felt ridiculous with shorts and the nicer shirt and so changed into the t shirt.

Goal dress

When i bought my wedding dress,  there was a pretty little blue dress for $10.  It was much much too small but i bought it as a goal dress.  i was able to zip it today...but there was this weird but puff thing going on.  It may need to be altered.

The changes we make and why

Jonah reminds me of me.  He is fun and sassy and just awesome.  Last week he came home from school with a health assessment from headstart.  He has gained 11 pounds since he has started school.  His bmi is 32.  Higher than mine.  I will be honest, I cried.  No one knows the pain of an obese childhood better than me.   I don't want him to get teased, I don't want him to feel bad about himself.  I weighed him to see how much and to see if the school was right.  68 pounds, to which he shouted "yay, I am growing up.".
I dont want him to feel ashamed but a change needs to be made. 

We have decided that this is a change that is going to be made as a family.

I already eat very, very healthy.  I have strong will power and just don't eat the junk. 

I have allowed my kids to eat some junk because I figured they are kids...

This week, I went through the cupboards and got rid of all processed foods.  EVERYTHING.

I bought balls and we are going to play outside together for an hour a night.

Video games are restricted to an hour a week on saturdays. 

I have startes packing home lunches with healthy and nutritious food.

Here's to hoping these changes will be enough to make an impact.

Plastic surgery

I met with a plastic surgeon yesterday.  My belly button hasnt healed right from my gallbladder removal.  While there, I figured I would find out about skin removal.  I have been really hard on myself because of my extra "flab."   I told the surgeon that I hadnt lost in months and so I was probably ready to get the skin removed.  He looked me up and down and said "You arent losing because you dont have anything to lose.  You have 40 pounds of skin there." 

He told me to fix everything, my stomach, arms and thighs, it would cost $20,000.  None of that is covered by insurance. 

So, the answer is simple.  Therapy to work towards accepting me for me.  At least the therapy is covered by insurance!

Before and Afters

I have been really hard on myself lately. I still feel like I haven't met my goal. I am at the size I wanted to be at, but still higher weight wise than I want to be. But I got the disk in the mail Saturday of my before and after. I've got to admit, I'm feeling pretty good about myself after seeing them!

I never saw myself as that big, my body image was way off. Now I see myself much bigger than I am. I hope someday my body image will be "as is."

Here are my before and afters!

Happiness, satisfaction, and followups

I went to my doctor for my one year follow up.  Yeah, I get it, I am a couple months late.  When I met with Dr.  Smith, I was nervous.  I had heard stories of him having high goals for his patients.  He told me I look good.  I smiled but dismissed it quickly and said, "I know I have another 20 to go!"  He looked me up and down and said "Lauralee, no one is going to look at you and say 'she is a big girl.'"

I told him that I think I am big.  He said "That is a mental thing.  I'm not that kind of doctor."

Thats what I love about Dr. Smith.  He is so straight with me.

I also had a couple of people at work tell me that it was time for me to stop losing weight.  Haha.  I still would like to get to goal weight.

At my 1 year follow up,  they took more pictures.  They are going to send me a disk with before and after pictures.  I will post that as soon as I get them.

I finally had sprouting success with alfalfa sprouts. My new favorite thing is a triscuit spread with skinny cow cheese topped with sprouts.
  Yumm-o. 
I also have discovered raisels.  They are white raisins covered in sour orange flavor.  They are pretty low calorie and are similar to sour patch kids.

Its my bike race tomorrow and Chad has visitation for his first weekend since November.  It is going to be busy...but a happy busy!

Sprouts

I have spent the last two weeks trying to sprout regular pinto and red beans. Fail right there. There are a few things I have learned this week. Alfalfa is a whole lot easier to sprout than beans. After two days of doing alfalfa sprouts, they are almost ready. After this I'm going to try sprouting sunflower seeds and lentils. I will let you know how it goes.

Advice for those getting RNY gastric bypass

A friend of mine is getting RNY gastric bypass this week.  I am so very excited for her!!!  She is one of the most amazing women I know!   I have been thinking about what advise I would give prior to surgery. 

The week before surgery:

* Weigh in and take your measurements.  This is so important to keep you motivated.  The weeks I havent lost a pound are the weeks I have lost the most inches!!

I didnt measure until I had already lost 70 pounds

*Start taking your vitamins: biotin and fish oil for hair, vitamin e for skin, sublingual b12, calcium, multivitamin and iron. You will take these forever.

Things you will need in the hospital:

*A robe to cover your bum. (hospital gowns are not made for the husky)

*Chapstick (you are limitted on the amount you can drink at first)

*** Make yourself walk as much as you can.  At least 4 times a day.  This speeds up recovery and prevents blood clots.

Things you will need at home:

*sugar free jello
*broth
*yogurt
*broccoli
*cauliflour

After surgery, you don't feel like eating at all. 
I cooked the veggies till they were so soft they were mushy.  That is how I could eat them. 

* 1 oz medicine cups (they gave me like 30 at a local pharmacy)
I used these to measure my food. You start with 1-2 oz of food per meal for 3 meals.

Start to work out immediately.

Follow diet exactly.

Milestones

When I started this process, at a size 28/30 & 4-5x, my goal was to get down to 160 pounds and single digits; Today, i bought a pair of size 8 pants. They are white and courderoy. Not the most stylish, but sometimes you just buy a pair of pants because they are size 8s and fit.  I bought a gap sweatshirt today.  It was the first time ever that I have bought one that was a womans size.  The small fit, but I bought the medium, just because i was more comfortable in it.

My message to a fat girl

Every time I see a fat girl, I want to hug her. The younger they are, the more my heart aches for them. In them, I see the old me. I want to help ease their pain. (In my mind, the more pain they feel, the bigger they are. You don't eat because you are happy and problem free) I want to tell them what I've learned. I wish I could go back and tell the five year old me so many things!

1. You are wonderful. Take the time now to take care of yourself. Take control now. You are only 20 pounds overweight right now. It may be hard to lose, but it's a lot harder to lose 200, trust me!!!

2. Love yourself completely. Don't make ANY decisions in your life until you have learned to love yourself. They will be decisions you live to regret.

3. It may be comforting to eat, but food will never bring you happiness, it will destroy it. Exercise, though uncomfortable and hard and first is the only way you will every truly feel happy.

4. Eat healthy. When you eat natural healthy food, you feel happy and energetic. When you eat garbage food, you feel sick and bloated. You really are what you eat!

5. Don't ever give up. It may seem impossible, but it's all one step in the right direction. NEVER let one mistake or short coming decide who you are going to be. If you want to lose weight, you want to be thin, each small decision builds up to one overall picture. One brownie, one piece of cake isn't worth failure. (but if you fail: learn, move on, and focus on the goal)

6. Realize that even if you don't love yourself now, you will someday, realize that you do deserve that love, you deserve to be happy and you must do everything in your power to accomplish that.

7. Stop making excuses. It doesn't matter that you're not athletic. It doesn't matter that you can't make a basket or hit a baseball. Find something that you love to do. Run, bike, something. Just get up and move!!!!

8. If you fail, you will suffer. Your kids will suffer too. You owe everyone around you to be the best you that you can be. Do it. Do it NOW!

I wish those were life lessons I could have learned before. I wish the 5 year old me could have learned that with out the struggle and heartache I've been through this last year, but I'm so thankful it only took me to 32. I may be a slow learner, but just moderately.