FIRSTS

I had a wonderful day today. I haven't worn a size 22 since 2002, until today. I had an unfortunate event at Maceys where my pants fell down while I was grocery shopping, which inspired me to buy new clothes. I haven't been to lane bryant since a few days before I had surgery. It was SO great. I was able to buy size 22/24 jeans and sweaters!!!

My Fears

My biggest fear is that somehow I'll be one of the few that gastric bypass will fail for. That I will either 1. Gain all the weight back or 2. That somehow my weight loss will stall and I won't lose any more weight.

This is compounded by the fact that I am now able to eat more than when I first had surgery. Not a lot more. For example, tonight I had 1 piece of beef jerky and cheese for dinner (90 calories for both) for breakfast (only in the sense that it was my first meal), 7 small shrimp with cocktail sauce and 1 oz of green beans for dinner and then I had 1/2 of a high protein shake. That's all I ate, but it's more than I was able to eat before. The shake is 120 calories for a whole one, so for everything I ate today, I probably had no more than 500 calories, which isn't much, but it's more than the 150 calories I was eating when I first had the surgery. It freaks me out. The doctor said to limit calories to no more than 500 per day, but I really worry that is too much.

I find myself obsessing about it each time I eat, worrying that if I eat this, it will stop me from losing weight. I know it's completely unrealistic, but it stresses me out.

Also, I'm struggling with the clothing situation, my jeans are WAY too big, but I can't find a pair of jeans that fit me and look decent. Sigh, I'm in this really awkward in between sizes phaze!

I also am looking for a gym. I have got to start working out again. My gym membership just expired and I hated anytime fitness, they offer zero classes and I want a gym with classes that is open 24 hours a day...and that is near my house. I don't think such a place exists, so I'm trying to decide which one would be the best.

Changes

It's been six weeks. A lot has changed in that time! I've lost 50 pounds, but there has been a lot of other changes too. Six months ago, I could barely fit into my stretch lane bryant jeans, these jeans were made for curvy girls (girls with a big boot-ey) I wore a size 8 red triangle, which is the equivalent of a 26/28 for a girl with a really big bum. Those jeans now will not even stay up on their own. (I actually had a very embarrassing moment, when I discovered that they no longer wanted to stay up while grocery shopping at Macey's)
Pre-surgery, I wore a size six ring, I also can no longer wear my rings. Before surgery, I bought a robe, to cover my boot-ey while walking around in the hospital. I dragged poor Rob to 6 different stores trying to find a robe big enough. I finally settled on this robe.




It's a hoodie style robe. When I bought it, it didn't close, I wasn't even close to being able to zip it up. It was a 26/28. Now, it is HUGE.

I am able to wear jeans that I haven't been able to zip in over a year, let alone wear them comforablely. My diabetes is gone and so is my knee and hip pain. I have a single chin and I'm feeling much better about myself and life in general.

Now, my meal portions are little, and I haven't had sugar or sweets in 6 weeks. Is it worth it? Absolutely. It's been a hard couple of weeks, and I'm sure it's going to be hard for awhile, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to get the surgery. It has already made my life so much better.

Things I crave

It's really weird. I used to crave chocolate everyday. I didn't eat it every day, but I would have liked to. I don't crave chocolate anymore, I crave wheat bread and tortillas, potatoes and corn. I want corn chips and pitas with hummus. Don't get me wrong, my mom's delicious brownies still tempt me, but they are easier to say no to than some delicious bread. Tonight for dinner I had the cheese and ham out of a small lunchable. Throwing the crackers away killed me inside a little. I'd like to say it's getting easier, but everyday I think "Wouldn't a sandwich be delicious?" Everyday, so far, I've been able to resist. Maybe, someday, it will be easier to resist, like chocolate.

No more.

Ok. I know that I'm supposed to be on clear liquids blah blah blah. I can't take it anymore seriously. I will never drink juice or have jello or broth again. Ok, that may be kind of drastic...but serioulsy, I've advanced my own diet. I seem to be doing pretty well. I am worried about the number of calories I was taking in with the fluids. I was drinking 2 protein shakes and eating 1-2 oz meal a day. The protein shakes are like 150 calories each. It seems to be slowing my weight loss. Tonight I went back to soft foods. I had 1/2 hotdog and 1 slice of pickled beet for breakfast (remember I eat my breakfast at 3 pm) I had the other 1/2 of hotdog for dinner with another peice of beet and then scrambled eggs for dinner and a few sunflower seeds. I feel much more satisfied and less light headed. I also felt gross when I just had juice and I really felt like I was cheating because fruit is a no no after gastric bypass.

Overall-I'm doing pretty well. I'm on week 6 and I've lost 46 pounds. That's a little slower than I'd like, but I need to get back to the gym. My membership has expired and I am having a hard time deciding which gym to get a membership to.

Week 5

Week Three

What stays in Vegas?

Ok...so far I've had a pretty sterile dieting environment. I take what I can eat with me to work or to my parents house. We've been to a restaurant once since my surgery at the end of december, so I haven't really had any temptations. Well during my days off, Rob and I decided that we should have a little family get away. I found a great deal online for the Palace Station hotel. I liked this hotel, because there is a seperate entrance to the rooms and pools from the casinos and so I didn't have to drag my kids across a dirty casino. I also liked that it was off the stip, and had a shuttle to the strip and also to the airport for free. We got there and it bragged super cheap buffets. Yup, $4 for breakfast, and it was AMAZINGLY good. Getting there was awful. I work for an airline and so we fly standby....which meant we spent 6 hours in the airport waiting to get on a flight. We got on the last flight of the night, which was a miracle because it was overbooked and they actually paid people to get off the plane. Then, there were flight delays and somehow...we got on and got to vegas about 10:30 pm (11:30 utah time) with a 3 year old and a 5 year old, I'm sure you can imagine how that went. We were starving...and I bought the kids some snacks and I will admit I gave into temptation and ate 1 pringles chip and 1 piece of caramel popcorn, which made me sick, why oh why? The rest of the trip I followed the plan and was good. I ate two bites of an omelet one morning, and the egg part of eggs benedict (only 2 oz) but overall I did really good, and even lost a pound and a half while I was gone...but what happens in vegas stays in vegas...now it's back to liquids and I'm promising myself not to cheat again even if it is just one bite.

Nice Flavor-less Broth

A few days ago, my brother and his beautiful wife were sealed in the Logan LDS temple. At a dinner following this event, my cousin Todd kept teasing me about the foods that I can eat. We went out to the Bluebird in Logan and I really struggled to find anything that I could eat. I'd say "Maybe I should order the salmon." or something like that, and he would reply "I can offer you some nice flavor-free broth." This dialogue continued over the course of the night. It was pretty funny, but sadly, for right now, this is my life.

I visited the doctor this week. He was very happy with my progress, but said that even though my condition has improved, I still have to stay on a liquid/soft diet for the next four weeks. I tried to explain to him that it's not possible since my family and I are going to Hawaii in February. Somehow, he thought he knew better. I now have to drink 2 very high protein low sugar shakes (from costco)


and then 1 meal of 2 ounces of soup of some sort with no veggies, rice, noodles or chunks of any sort. I've been living off of hot and sour soup.

The weird thing is that Jonah won't drink milk or even chocolate milk, but he guzzled one of these down today...don't let it fool you, they don't taste THAT good!