I've realized that often I use this blog to voice my frustrations. I am going to start by saying overall, I am very happy with myself. I am happier than I have ever been in my life.
That being said, I still feel like a very fat person. My motto could be "fat guy in a little coat," very very literally. I know in my head I'm normal. My BMI tells me that. Rationally, that makes sense. When I stop to analyze things, I can clearly recognize that.
I sometimes worry that my head is wired wrong. I honestly feel the same fears and anxiety when I weighed 361 pounds. I still check before I sit down to evaluate if a chair can hold my weight. I look for the largest bathroom stalls. I avoid sitting on benches or busses next to strangers (big bum anxiety)
When people tell me I'm adorable or little, I instantly think they are being condescending.
I'm not little. I'm a size 12-14. I'm average I would say. Seriously Marilyn Monroe wore a size 12.
I don't know why I'm not satisfied with where I am at, but I'm not.
I've lost 175 pounds in 1 year. I was hoping for 200. I want to be at goal. Chad says I'm being unrealistic and that I've done amazing. He thinks I'm too hard on myself. I do appreciate the support, but the weight loss has really slowed down.
Part of my problem is that 600 calories no longer fills me up. I've moved to closer to 700-800 calories. That is what satisfies me. I worry the increased calories is slowing the process too much. If I eat less than that, I get dizzy and don't feel great, so I'm sticking with what my body says that it needs.
Just thought I'd put this out there and talk about it. I know others in my boat that feel the same way, but I'm ready for my head and my body to be on the same page!
You only eat 600 calories at a year out? Thats super low hun. A year out you should be between 800-1200 calories a day and especially if you work out like you say you do your body needs that fuel, if you don't give it that fuel the weight will stop falling off because your body doesn't have any extra to release. Surpisingly you will be amazed more calories equals a better loss. Just "food" for thought Granted some days I can only tolerate 600 calories it depends on my food choices but most days I am around 800-1200 calories a day especially cuz most days on my work outs I average burning 500 calories.
ReplyDeleteJust worrying bout you is all and giving you my two cents ;)
I can relate with being hard on yourself and having body distortion issues, going thru it big time myself at 18 months out still.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it's going to take a long time for your head to catch up with your body. Some of your head never will. I will always be a recovering anorexic. I weighed 82 pounds in high school and thought I was fat. I still every day struggle with this. It's been nearly 15 years since I started working on those issues and to this day I still skip a meal here and there just to make myself feel better.
ReplyDeleteFood addiction, too much or too little food, is something that isn't an overnight recovery. And body image issues are not an easy recovery either.
With all that said, YOU ROCK! You have seriously done so amazing! You've not only lost a CRAP TON of weight but you've also changed your whole lifestyle. You are active. That's what you should be most proud of. Your sweet little boys have the fun mommy who can do anything with them and that alone should make you well up with pride!
You're amazing and you've done amazing!
I love reading your posts. You are so honest. You look awesome! A lot of women would die to be a size 12! I know how you feel though. A lot of women struggle with what you have just described wether they weight 300 lbs or 145 lbs. I always feel "Fat" no matter how well I exercise or eat well. I have to remind myself that the number on the scale should not be a reason of my happiness or unhappiness! 600 to 800 calories! maybe your weight loss has slowed down because your body thinks it is starving and holding on to the fat. That is hardly any calories, especially if you are working out. Keep up the good work! you look beautiful!
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