Things that make me happy

I've talked before about perspective. I weigh today what I weighed when I was 12. I have never in my adult life weighed this little. I'm actually 20 pounds lighter than my lowest adult weight and very close to being in the 100s. YAY me. When I started this journey, the goal was losing 200 pounds. I never really thought it was possible. Now, I realize, it's totally possible. I remember thinking "I'm a big girl, if I could get down to a 18, I'd be happy."
I realize now, that both of those statements aren't true. I'm really quite petite. And, not happy with 18. I'm actually down to a size 14, and I'm hoping to be down to single digits by december, I guess we'll see.

I was talking to some friends at work and I realized that I may never be satisfied with where I am, I may always wish I were smaller, but honestly, I've even exceeded my goals for myself, and what I perceived as realistic. It makes me want to shoot higher. The only limits are the ones set in my head!

Going "there"

OK, So when I started researching gastric bypass, I heard about people with "excess skin" and my attitude was "Well, it's better than skin filled with blubber." But at the time, that's what I had. Now, ugh...It's unattractive and it makes me feel uncomfortable. If someone had shown be my before and after pictures with clothes on, I would have done it, no questions asked. Nekked, well, I would have screamed, and then probably done it still.

I was on the shuttle going to the airport to work and was listening to the conversation of two flight attendants. One said to the other, "I look great with my clothes on, but when they're off I just thing 'Oh dear G--!'"

I laughed, only because I really feel like that. I never thought I'd ever get down to a size 14. Now that I'm there, I just want to be thinner. I know all is possible, heck, I've lost 156ish pounds. If that's possible, another 50 is no big deal. I'm sitting at about 205 pounds. I have never in my adult life weighed that little. I'm so excited to hit the 100s.

Back to skin. It's that thing, that no one talks about. No one shows you what to expect. So, quit looking now, if you have a sensitive gag reflex.


I have said in the past that I have the thighs of an 80 year old woman. This is actually much improved to the point that they are the thighs of maybe a 65 year old woman who has gotten too much sun in her lifetime.


I have a fairly good bicep muscle, but as you can see, I also have batwings




This is the worst my friends. My stomach. All of that, above my belly button is extra skin. I have undergarments that bind the skin, and it makes me 2 sizes smaller, seriously.

In addition, I've talked before about completely losing my boobs in this whole weightloss process. At one time I wore a 56E. I'm down to a 38B. Yes, B as in boy.
I joke when I get to my goal weight I will have the chest of a 14 year old boy, but I'm kinda serious about that. Ok, very serious about that. With another 50 pounds to lose, I've lost 5 cup sizes with 150 + pounds lost, I could easily lose another cup size in 50 pounds!

I get the comment often, "Wow, you'll be in a bikini in no time!" I would just like to let everyone know, I will never in my lifetime wear a bikini. EVER.

I am comfortable in my own skin to show you my skin, and still not care at all. I've now learned perfect body or not, I'm me. I love me. I accept me. I don't care what anyone else does. But the purpose of this blog is to document my journey-All of it. Good, bad and ugly. And somehow, me in my own skin, I kind of rock. I love me. That's really all that matters.

Perception

Week 38


This weight loss journey has been relatively short so far. It's just been 9 months since I had gastric bypass, but life has changed so significantly for me. I can't even begin to describe it. I've talked a lot about the physical and emotional changes that I have experienced, but one thing I haven't talked about is how others treat me.

I know it doesn't need to be said, but I am the same person, just minus 151 pounds. For some reason, people treat me differently. I'm not sure if it's because I carry myself differently or if it's just because of how fat I was. Somehow my ideas are better, I am smarter and more interesting.

I'm also much cooler. People who didn't care to be my friend before, now go out of their way to talk to me and associate with me. It's interesting.

There are also friends I had when I was fat, who choose not to associate with me or be friends with me. That's hard. I didn't realize how many friendships I had where I was the token fat chick that made the said individual feel better about themselves.





The top picture is a picture that Logan drew of me on his magnadoodle that was the week before surgery, the bottom pic is a picture that he drew today.

I really wish people could have seen me before. Not the fat fat fat Lauralee: me. I am awesome now. I was awesome then. I'm just skinnier now.