Dreams

Two and a half years ago, I weighed 362 pounds. I was sick and tired and eating myself to death. 

In two days, I am headed to Colorado to take classes from the American College of Sports Medicine to help get me ready to be a certified personal trainer. 

Sometimes I forget the old me.  Sometimes I don't realize how far I have come. 

Sometimes I forget that anything is possible, but it is. 

The "F" word

I am consistent. If I could count the 10 pounds I gain then lose again, I would be up to over 300 pounds lost, seriously.

I go between 165-175. Once, I got down to 162 for 17 minutes. It was a good day, but it didn't last. (Well, it didn't last longer than 17 minutes)

Last semester, in nutrition we learned about "The set point theory."  This is the theory that your body has a certain preset weight of where it wants to be.  There may be something to this, but I keep losing, and my body keeps adjusting.   

That's one explanation, the other is my lymph edema. I got this as a result of my skin removal surgery. My legs swell up with fluid. On bad days, it hurts to walk. I push through and as long as I take my medicine and continue to work out, I continue to lose back down to 165, in which it all starts over again. 

There's a third option.  A filthy horrible option that I keep in the back of my mind. I can't even say it.  It's a word that starts with F. Ok fine, F-A-T. 

I worry that I am getting fat. (Pardon my language) I worry that this time, I won't be able to lose the weight and will continue to balloon. 

Normally I am able to push aside the last fear as irrational and unscientific. This week, I ballooned to 175 yet again.  I hit the gym, I watched what I ate, and I gained. (177) I hit the gym even harder, still watched my weight, and I woke up the next day at 180.2. I will admit, I had a complete nervous breakdown. It was 3:30 in the morning, I was getting ready for work and I seriously woke Chad up to tell him about my current weight. 

He grunted and said "Hmm, that's about half of what I weigh, good job baby." And rolled over.  Men.

I hit the gym again. I lost 6.2 pounds the next day.  But it let in the fear and worry. 

Our family is doing a family biggest loser with Chads mom and siblings. I am dedicated to winning. I have the least to lost, but I am so dedicated!!! 

I am hoping to force my "set point" lower than where it is now.

Schools out for the summer.

Well I did it. My first semester at school is complete. I didn't get a 4.0 as I had hoped, but the grades were A, A, A-, B+, and B. my nutrition class and history were my struggles. More than half of the students in both of those classes failed. Glad to not be the statistic there.

I was awarded a job as the marketing editor for one of the literary magazines at school, which gives me a tuition waiver. I was thrilled with the opportunity.

In two weeks I am taking a course on becoming a personal trainer from the American College of Sports Medicine. we fly out to Colorado for a 3-day seminar (12 hours a day)
I have to admit, I am really excited for all of these new changes.

Also my tour de cure bike race is coming up in less than a month (please please donate) I have to raise $150 to compete and am definately not there. That will be my focus over the next couple of weeks.

Since I have only ridden a real bike once since it has thawed, I am going to really be pushing the training as well. I have to get back to being capable of riding 100 miles again!!!!!