Training

I have less than 30 days until my big ride. It's big. I mean BIG. I have competed in one other event, but that was seriously only 23 miles on bike. This one that I am training for is 60 and there are HILLS. I haven't ridden incredibly far today, but I've practiced my hills. I did 14 miles today of basically all hills. I feel fantastic though and I only have $80 left to raise, I am really hoping to get the fundraising out of the way, so that I don't have to worry about paying all of that myself! These races I've been doing and are planning to do, really get quite expensive!

Tour de Cure!

I officially registered today for the Tour de Cure. I am doing the 60 mile bike ride. I am begging for money right now. I have just under a month to raise $150 to be able to participate. I am hoping to get enough donations. My husband will kill me if I have to pay the $150 on my own! It was questionable paying the $35 fee to register!!!! I hear the questions you are asking in your head. (or possibly out loud.) Q 1. Why on earth do I want to do this? There are many reasons, but biking makes me happy. Not just happy, but it is what causes the sunshine in my soul. As a fat kid, I watched my dad do many of these rides. My dad is amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. He can still kick my trash, and he's over 60. He has legs of steel. Seriously. I watched my dad compete in these events, and wished that I was one of "those people." This is something I have been day dreaming about forever. It's something I have been seriously thinking about for about a year and a half. Q 2. Why diabetes? Well, I had diabetes before losing 185 pounds. It sucked. Now, my 5 year old is borderline diabetic and I'm sorry, but that is just not ok with me. We have to do something to find a cure, or at least more treatments for this horrible disease. Q 3. 60 miles? Are you crazy. Eh, probably. Q 4. Um, what about your gluteus maximus? Are you worried you will never walk again? Yes, this is a concern. I have taken 4 days off following the race for recovery time. Please donate. I would for you....the next time you are selling girl scout cookies or happenings books. Hit me up. I'm totally good for the favor. :)

Go here to donate. (or email me monkeylauralee@hotmail.com) (this should work now. Sorry to those who wanted to donate but couldn't. You can now, please please do.)

The moral

I ride the bus and train from work every day.  There is an older woman i see on occassion there.  She spoke to me the other day and said she noticed I had lost weight.  She asked me what I was doing.

This is always where I make the decision if I am going to explain that I have had RNY gastric bypass.  In the beginning I told every one.  I have always been a very open person.  Also I was inspired to look into gastric bypass after seeing my friend nicole.  Her before and after still inspires me.   I have grown weary of "the look.".  People look at me with disappointment and have even said I took the "easy way out."

I will be honest,  i am a little more guarded with who I tell.  I have lost 185 pounds via gastric bypass and a lot of hard work.  I don't think that i need to justify or defend myself!  No matter how it was done, 185 pounds is pretty good!

I am thankful I told this lady on the train.  We talked a minute about the changes in my life.  Then she asked me a personal question.

"What's the moral of the story?"

"What?" I asked, not really certain of her meaning.

She was an older lady, and she adjusted her glasses before speaking again.

"What is the biggest lesson you have learned in losing weight?"

The answer was simple, but worth sharing:  "Nothing you put into your body is worth the overall health of your body.  Food is fuel.  It can be enjoyed but needs to be nutrious or there is no sense in putting it in your mouth."

She thought for a second and seemed surprised. I think she expected something much more grand. She said "So that's it? The biggest lesson you've learned?" I laughed and said, "Everyone knows that, but it's a hard lesson to really learn. Cake is delicious, so is chocolate. Learning to love myself and my body more than chocolate is a big accomplishment. You're talking to a fat chick here!" She smiled, and said, "No, actually I'm not." We chatted and she got off the train shortly after that. She thanked me for giving her inspiration. I should have thanked her for making me verbalize that lesson. It's just what I needed that day.

First

I have been fat for a very long time.  I have had cankles (where your calf just becomes your ankles) for a long time.  The last time I wore shorts in public....I was 12.  Well, until yesterday. 

I felt ridiculous with shorts and the nicer shirt and so changed into the t shirt.

Goal dress

When i bought my wedding dress,  there was a pretty little blue dress for $10.  It was much much too small but i bought it as a goal dress.  i was able to zip it today...but there was this weird but puff thing going on.  It may need to be altered.

The changes we make and why

Jonah reminds me of me.  He is fun and sassy and just awesome.  Last week he came home from school with a health assessment from headstart.  He has gained 11 pounds since he has started school.  His bmi is 32.  Higher than mine.  I will be honest, I cried.  No one knows the pain of an obese childhood better than me.   I don't want him to get teased, I don't want him to feel bad about himself.  I weighed him to see how much and to see if the school was right.  68 pounds, to which he shouted "yay, I am growing up.".
I dont want him to feel ashamed but a change needs to be made. 

We have decided that this is a change that is going to be made as a family.

I already eat very, very healthy.  I have strong will power and just don't eat the junk. 

I have allowed my kids to eat some junk because I figured they are kids...

This week, I went through the cupboards and got rid of all processed foods.  EVERYTHING.

I bought balls and we are going to play outside together for an hour a night.

Video games are restricted to an hour a week on saturdays. 

I have startes packing home lunches with healthy and nutritious food.

Here's to hoping these changes will be enough to make an impact.

Plastic surgery

I met with a plastic surgeon yesterday.  My belly button hasnt healed right from my gallbladder removal.  While there, I figured I would find out about skin removal.  I have been really hard on myself because of my extra "flab."   I told the surgeon that I hadnt lost in months and so I was probably ready to get the skin removed.  He looked me up and down and said "You arent losing because you dont have anything to lose.  You have 40 pounds of skin there." 

He told me to fix everything, my stomach, arms and thighs, it would cost $20,000.  None of that is covered by insurance. 

So, the answer is simple.  Therapy to work towards accepting me for me.  At least the therapy is covered by insurance!