Christmas Miracles

I woke up Christmas morning excited to go to work. The dress code for Christmas was Jeans and a t shirt. I opened my closet and realized that none of my Jeans that fit had made it to the new house. A friend gave me a pair of size 12 gap Jeans and the highlight of my day was that they fit!
I will post update pictures. Sorry. I have been busy planning a wedding. On that note I found the perfect wedding dress. It was a size 14. So happy about that!

Old Navy 14

About 3 weeks ago, I tried on a pair of old navy size 14 jeans. I could barely zip them, but I was happy to be wearing them. In my experience I'm usually about a size smaller in every other store except old navy. Well, today...I tried on the same jeans and they are very baggy. I'm going to try clothes on in a day or two but I'm thinking I'm almost down to a 14. I can't imagine being smaller than a 10. It will be fantastic.

I bought a wedding dress the other day, which is a size 14. They say wedding dresses run a size small so I'm hoping I'll be able to zip it in a few months. (fingers crossed)

Week Fourty-four

This is not the best picture due to the fact that the shirt and pants are pretty big on me, but I don't have a better one, and I just realized that I haven't posted a pic for about a month. It's time. I promise to post a better one next week.

St. George was wonderful. We hiked Kolob, Snow and Zions canyons. We hiked miles and miles. It was so fun that it was hard to leave!

BMI

I woke up this morning down .2 pounds. Never have I been so excited to lose .2 pounds. This took my BMI to 39.8. I'm now "overweight." When I started this journey, my BMI was 60. I was considered supra obese. Today, I'm 30 pounds away from a "normal" BMI.

We're going to St. George this weekend for some sun and hiking. Back on Sunday. (I'll post new weekly pics when I get back)

Double post day-Lots on my mind

Today, I got up and have spent the morning going through clothes that no longer fit. For some reason I keep holding on to a few, that are obviously big, but they're so cute, I think "Maybe I'll just wear it one more time!"

I have been given lots of clothes from some of my sweet friends. Many have just sat in the bottom of my closet for months. I used to try them on weekly, but I had given that up because it was kind of depressing. Today I tried on size 14s from Banana Republic, Gap and Old Navy and they all fit. YAY.

As for comments left earlier. I know why I eat. Yay therapy. I associate food with love. I blame no one else but myself for feeling that way. We all do this. Oh, kid...you're crying. Here eat a cookie. I've seen myself do that with my own kids.

I've self medicated when I didn't feel loved.

I've often related my family to a big italian family. With Mormons, food is love. You're sad, here...eat.

Once I got to a certain point, it was like "Why bother." Also an anti-seizure medication I had to take as a child made me gain a ton of weight.

All of that being said...the reason that I was fat, is because I hadn't learned to overcome the environmental temptations.

It doesn't matter if you eat healthy, the rest of the world will eat what they want, life goes on. Part of being successful is learning to say "eh, no thanks."

It's a skill that I'm still working on, but I know it's going to be important for me to ultimately succeed.

Life happens, and I want to succeed.

Food

Obviously when I was fat, food was an issue. It's still an issue. I was and remain a total foodie. I have 10 years worth of the taste of home cook books, and I will admit, they are amazing. My mom has been going through them trying out new recipes.

When I started my journey, it was easy to say no to all the deliciousness that my mom makes.

The day I came home from surgery, my mom made fried chicken, mashed potatoes and her homemade chocolate cake. I will admit, I cried. I didn't eat it though.

I'm just over 10 months out now, and I'll admit I sometimes have bites of things that aren't on my food list.

Last night, my mom made hawaiian eggrolls (recipe here) homemade sweet and sour sauce, fried chicken and won tons.

I told her we weren't going to eat. To which she responded "So I made all of this for nothing?" I said in response "Um, none of this is on my list, so you didn't make this for me!"

Obviously I started with intentions of not eating any of it.

Then she laid the fried crispy egg rolls on a paper towel and I thought "I'll just have a bit of one."

No. I ate an entire one. Plus another. and a couple of bites of rice. I stayed under my 600 calories, but I'm up .4 pounds this morning, and I can't help but wonder why food continues to be an issue for me.

I make goals of not cheating again, and then I let little bites sneak in there. I'm just mad at myself this morning and I'm dedicated to not cheating again. I can re-add carbs when I hit my goal weight. But this is going to prevent me from losing the last 35 pounds I have until I get to goal weight.

The real me

When I've talked about my life before, the big me, I've described it as a past life. It seems so long ago, and I sometimes forget that was me.

I was talking to my friend Jessica today and she described it as a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. That's really the best way I can describe it.

I'm the same person, but I feel like I'm the person that I've always wanted to be. I've reached my potential, and I had no idea really who I could be!






I'm spunky and fun and so very happy with my life. I've finally realized I do deserve to be happy. I'm making decisions and living my life in a way that I am. I know, novel right? Well, it's a big step for me.