One-der-land

When I started this journey at 361 pounds, 10 months ago, I set the goal weight of 160. It seemed completely unattainable. If I'm being honest, I thought at the time, "If I can get down to 220, I'll be happy."

That was a lie. I wasn't satisfied with 220.

Today, I entered one-der-land. I stepped on the scale today and weigh 199. yes 1-9-9. I have no memory of ever weighing that. Probably because the last time this happened, I was 11. In my adult life, I have never ever visited one-der-land.

I'm fairly small on top, but yes, the ghetto booty is still here. I can wear a Small to medium top, but I am still in a 14-16 pant, go figure.

The highlight of my week was when I went to Kohls and tried on an extra small and it fit. I've concluded that Kohls must run kinda big..but it's still very exciting. I brought it home and Lisa said it fit her. Lisa is small on top, small on bottom, where I'm small on top with a total ba-donk-a-donk, but it's the first time in my life that I've been even close to the same size.

New Accomplishment!

So I will admit, that I haven't tried to do chin ups in any form because I have weak arms and because I still think of myself as fat. Sometimes I surprise myself.

Chad and I went to the gym today and after riding the elliptical for a half hour, we went to the weight room to lift some weights. I have stared at the assisted chin machines for about 8 months too afraid to try it.

Today, I tried it, and I did it easily. I only did 25 lifts, but still pretty good. I was so proud of myself. I tried doing them the last time I lost weight and wasn't able to. It felt great!

Weeks Thirty Nine and Forty

Forty week photo.


Week thirty nine photo.

This week I'm 1 pound away from being in the 100s weight wise. Also, I actually weigh the number on my drivers license. That's something that has never happened.

I fit into a small this week. I have cheated a little. By cheating I mean eating a tablespoon of rice on occassion. I've decided I'm not eating carbs again till I hit my goal weight. I'm only 40 pounds away from reaching my goal weight, something I never really thought was possible. I'm starting to see that it is!

Size Small

The other day I was at Kohl's. I am queen of the bargain rack. It's been awfully expensive losing as much as I have, just because I've lost more than a full dress size per month.

I saw this cute dress. It was kinda short and sleeveless, but figured it would look really cute with leggings and a jacket or sweater. Also, it was the wrong size. Size small. I've never in my life ever worn a women's small. This was in the juniors section, so I figured that a snowball had a better chance in that warm place, but decided to add it to my stack of "things to try on."

I tried it on and it fit. I figured it was clearly mislabled, but sometimes you just have to buy a dress when you fit into and it's a small. (Am I right or am I right?)

So the week following this, I went with my boyfriend back to Kohls to try and find him a nice dress shirt.

I picked up a stack of items to try on from the clearance isle. Never in my life have I ever owned a "little black dress." I have owned black dresses, but I was anything but little.

I found one black dress that I loved in a extra-large and in small, nothing in between. I picked both of them up to try. The extra large was huge. HUGE. The small fit. But it appears that this girl can't buy every small dress that she fits into, because that's really my size.

I know, right? SMALL? But I've come to that conclusion, due to the fact that multiple small items fit me. They can't all be mismarked, RIGHT?

Things that make me happy

I've talked before about perspective. I weigh today what I weighed when I was 12. I have never in my adult life weighed this little. I'm actually 20 pounds lighter than my lowest adult weight and very close to being in the 100s. YAY me. When I started this journey, the goal was losing 200 pounds. I never really thought it was possible. Now, I realize, it's totally possible. I remember thinking "I'm a big girl, if I could get down to a 18, I'd be happy."
I realize now, that both of those statements aren't true. I'm really quite petite. And, not happy with 18. I'm actually down to a size 14, and I'm hoping to be down to single digits by december, I guess we'll see.

I was talking to some friends at work and I realized that I may never be satisfied with where I am, I may always wish I were smaller, but honestly, I've even exceeded my goals for myself, and what I perceived as realistic. It makes me want to shoot higher. The only limits are the ones set in my head!

Going "there"

OK, So when I started researching gastric bypass, I heard about people with "excess skin" and my attitude was "Well, it's better than skin filled with blubber." But at the time, that's what I had. Now, ugh...It's unattractive and it makes me feel uncomfortable. If someone had shown be my before and after pictures with clothes on, I would have done it, no questions asked. Nekked, well, I would have screamed, and then probably done it still.

I was on the shuttle going to the airport to work and was listening to the conversation of two flight attendants. One said to the other, "I look great with my clothes on, but when they're off I just thing 'Oh dear G--!'"

I laughed, only because I really feel like that. I never thought I'd ever get down to a size 14. Now that I'm there, I just want to be thinner. I know all is possible, heck, I've lost 156ish pounds. If that's possible, another 50 is no big deal. I'm sitting at about 205 pounds. I have never in my adult life weighed that little. I'm so excited to hit the 100s.

Back to skin. It's that thing, that no one talks about. No one shows you what to expect. So, quit looking now, if you have a sensitive gag reflex.


I have said in the past that I have the thighs of an 80 year old woman. This is actually much improved to the point that they are the thighs of maybe a 65 year old woman who has gotten too much sun in her lifetime.


I have a fairly good bicep muscle, but as you can see, I also have batwings




This is the worst my friends. My stomach. All of that, above my belly button is extra skin. I have undergarments that bind the skin, and it makes me 2 sizes smaller, seriously.

In addition, I've talked before about completely losing my boobs in this whole weightloss process. At one time I wore a 56E. I'm down to a 38B. Yes, B as in boy.
I joke when I get to my goal weight I will have the chest of a 14 year old boy, but I'm kinda serious about that. Ok, very serious about that. With another 50 pounds to lose, I've lost 5 cup sizes with 150 + pounds lost, I could easily lose another cup size in 50 pounds!

I get the comment often, "Wow, you'll be in a bikini in no time!" I would just like to let everyone know, I will never in my lifetime wear a bikini. EVER.

I am comfortable in my own skin to show you my skin, and still not care at all. I've now learned perfect body or not, I'm me. I love me. I accept me. I don't care what anyone else does. But the purpose of this blog is to document my journey-All of it. Good, bad and ugly. And somehow, me in my own skin, I kind of rock. I love me. That's really all that matters.

Perception

Week 38


This weight loss journey has been relatively short so far. It's just been 9 months since I had gastric bypass, but life has changed so significantly for me. I can't even begin to describe it. I've talked a lot about the physical and emotional changes that I have experienced, but one thing I haven't talked about is how others treat me.

I know it doesn't need to be said, but I am the same person, just minus 151 pounds. For some reason, people treat me differently. I'm not sure if it's because I carry myself differently or if it's just because of how fat I was. Somehow my ideas are better, I am smarter and more interesting.

I'm also much cooler. People who didn't care to be my friend before, now go out of their way to talk to me and associate with me. It's interesting.

There are also friends I had when I was fat, who choose not to associate with me or be friends with me. That's hard. I didn't realize how many friendships I had where I was the token fat chick that made the said individual feel better about themselves.





The top picture is a picture that Logan drew of me on his magnadoodle that was the week before surgery, the bottom pic is a picture that he drew today.

I really wish people could have seen me before. Not the fat fat fat Lauralee: me. I am awesome now. I was awesome then. I'm just skinnier now.